董静远 于 2001/06/02 00:52:39 发表在 汉英
我刚完成的一篇陋作，敬请各位老师评改。
这是一篇以Developing the characters in a story为目的的看图作文练习；请各位老师修改时除了文章的通顺自然，尽量将语句改得flowerish一些，谢谢！
I JUST WANT TO MAKE THE MOST OUT OF EVERY COMPOSITION,OK?
IT was in the afternoon of the Children’s Day, Aran and Bernie were on their way to the shopping mall. They were both in high spirit because they were going to buy the toy guns they had been longing for. Suddenly, they noticed a beggar asking for money. He looks so terrible with his wrinkles spreading all over the face and his filthy, smelly and torn clothes that some passers-by were scared away at the sight of him. When Aran and Bernie passed him, he turned towards them. ’Would you please be so kind to give me some money?’ he asked appealingly while handing out his jagged bowl. ‘No,’ Aran gave him a flat refusal despite the poor man’s sincere plea before he whispered Bernie, ’Nowadays, many lazybones would like to make a living by begging rather than working and some of them do make a killing through it.’ However, Bernie was sympathetic; he gave a few coins to him. The beggar smiled when he took over the money and managed them. The boys went on their way before they heard a voice from behind:’ Hi, guys, please stop and turn around.’ To their surprise, they found that the beggar had taken off his false beard and turned out a to be a young man. What was more amazing was that there were two photographers filming them at a distance. ‘Excuse me, guys, I am the reporter for the SBN, and we have just done an experiment to know about the people’s reaction towards beggars.’ he said. ’If you have time, we’d like to invite both of you to our live-televised program---”Truth Talks”(指“实话实说”栏目,肯定有更好的译法). ‘That is O.K.’ both of the boys agreed. That evening, Aran and Bernie came into the studio and the anchor was just the false beggar. To begin with, he showed the film to the audience and then he asked the boys about their view on begging. Aran, citing the fact that many beggars were of low quality, was embarrassed and apologized for his rudeness. Bernie said, ’The beggar’s quality is not my concern. I just want to show my compassion and do the helpless a favor.’ When the program draw to a close, Bernie was awarded a prize for his deeds and spirit.
[ 回应主贴(Respond to Original) ]
[ 返回论坛(Back to Forum) ]
跟贴目录 (List of Followups):
刚才一急打错了,应该是:I'd like to MAKE MOST OF of every practice.
作者(Author)：董静远 - 2001/06/02 02:24:53
***
[ 回应此贴(Respond to this followup) |
查看原贴(Back to Original) ]
借地问两个问题：Martha究竟是Mary和Lazarus的姐姐还是妹妹？迪士尼的Br'er Bear有无官译？熊兄弟？
作者(Author)：Last Hermit - 2001/06/02 03:07:51
***
---------------------------
Meunique
[ 回应此贴(Respond to this followup) |
查看原贴(Back to Original) ]
It's not clearly indicated in the Bible. See Luke 10 and John 11 and 12:
作者(Author)：tian xin - 2001/06/02 16:31:23
***
链接(Link)：Martha
[ 回应此贴(Respond to this followup) |
查看原贴(Back to Original) ]
据中文版《圣经》，Martha应是Mary和Lazarus的姐姐。
作者(Author)：tian xin - 2001/06/02 17:07:18
***
[ 回应此贴(Respond to this followup) |
查看原贴(Back to Original) ]
谢天姐！
作者(Author)：Last Hermit - 2001/06/03 10:45:45
***
---------------------------
Meunique
[ 回应此贴(Respond to this followup) |
查看原贴(Back to Original) ]
难道没有哪位老师愿意为我看一下这篇作文吗？55555555555....
作者(Author)：董静远 - 2001/06/02 21:07:19
***
我知道自己的作文是超弱项，所以真的很想得到各位老师的指点。
[ 回应此贴(Respond to this followup) |
查看原贴(Back to Original) ]
大家都去过周末了？
作者(Author)：猜 - 2001/06/02 22:25:43
***
[ 回应此贴(Respond to this followup) |
查看原贴(Back to Original) ]
Where is it?
作者(Author)：无知 - 2001/06/02 23:06:24
***
[ 回应此贴(Respond to this followup) |
查看原贴(Back to Original) ]
您已经到了这份上，差不多可以编教材了。Good job!
作者(Author)：Last Hermit - 2001/06/02 23:56:46
***
1）是“flowerY”而不是“flowerish”
2）文章一开头就用“
the shopping mall”让人不知你说哪个“shopping mall”而且，您又没说具体地点，更让人不知所云。因而不宜用定冠词“the”。改为“on their way to shopping”应当没问题。
3）表“开心”时，“spirit”一般用复数“spirits”，见Longman
4）注意时态上的一致：“He lookED”
5）“He
looked so...”这句话改成这样也许会好点儿：“With his wrinkled face and his filthy, smelly and torn clothes, he looked so HORRIBLE that...”
6）appealingly：evoking or attracting interest, desire, curiosity, sympathy, or the like; attractive。一个叫化子说一句“Would you please be so kind to give me some money”是不会“appealing”的。改成“he asked weakly”？
7）外国人行乞恐怕不会拿“bowl”的吧？“box”？“can”？“tray”？
8）‘No,’改成“No！”语气更绝。
9）“Aran
gave him a flat refusal despite the poor man’s sincere plea before he whispered Bernie”这句话最后一个“he”会让人误会成是“the poor man”。断开两句会更好。“Aran gave him a flat refusal despite the poor man’s sincere plea. He whispered to Bernie”。
10）学了一句：“ make a killing”.
11）好不容易遇到人施舍，乞丐肯定会喜出望外，情况可能会这样“With
a grin, the beggar grabbed the money while nodding thanks to them”。您这“managed them”是什么意思？
12）呼唤人止步，一般会说“Hey！”
13）应用不定冠词：“I am A reporter OF...”
14）“an
experiment to SEE HOW people REACT TO BEGGING”
15）“talks”和“talk”有区别。前者是政客们用的如“peace talks”也就是所谓讨论“国是”这些“formal discussion”，后者则是老百姓一般闲谈用的^)^
16）“came
into”有点像“闯进来”的味道，改成“arrived at”或“appeared in”。
17）view用复数：their viewS on
---------------------------
Meunique
[ 回应此贴(Respond to this followup) |
查看原贴(Back to Original) ]
致隐教授和The Yeti大叔：
作者(Author)：董静远 - 2001/06/03 02:25:35
***
TO dear Last Hermit,
1)flowerish是上次我在VOA里听到了，多半是听错了。
2)appealingly用时也没在意，不过用在这里的确很不合适。
如果这里改为in a feeble voice您看如何？
11)用managed them我想表达的是乞丐接过钱后数，放等摆弄的动作。
them我想指的是钱。
TO dear The Yeti,
1)我觉得by the sight是“被”他的模样，at the sight是“见了”他的模样。
2)was embarrassed and apologetic for his rudeness.
his指的是Aran
3)of low quality我想表达的意思是“品质低下，素质差”。
如果改成：don't get a good character(名声不好）您看如何？
还有后面一句我想表达的意思是：无论乞丐的真或假，我总是献出了自己的爱心。
无论可以译成St. doesn't matter.不过“真或假”似乎很难译得漂亮。
P.S.ABOUT UNFAIR ADVANTAGE
Yeti大叔，这是我自己的习作，因为我的作文实在太差了，我觉得只能靠多多练习才行，您看呢？
[ 回应此贴(Respond to this followup) |
查看原贴(Back to Original) ]
答：
作者(Author)：Last Hermit - 2001/06/03 06:57:28
***
11）前面是“money”，后面怎能用“them”？此外，乞丐拿到钱后会不会数，俺不大清楚，因为俺绝少给钱给乞丐。但这里既然是几个铜板，那么，也没什么好数的。
雪人大数好梦正酣，俺代他答：
1）“at the sight of”是固定用法。
3）用“quality”来形容人，俺当初见了也觉得不对劲，但查了一下字典方知道的确可以：
quality: 4 a : a special or distinguishing attribute : CHARACTERISTIC *the boy has many fine qualities* *qualities of naïveté and inexperience--Peter Foster* *more than any other quality... gregariousness--W.H.Whyte* *the man was much greater than the sum of his qualities--Willa Cather*; especially : a desirable trait : EXCELLENCE *a man without qualities--Frederic Morton* *the defect as well as the qualities of its T origins--Times Literary (Merriam-Webster's)
---------------------------
Meunique
[ 回应此贴(Respond to this followup) |
查看原贴(Back to Original) ]
这句已改为:to find out people's response towards beggars.还有“他们重新上路”用resumed their way如何？
作者(Author)：董静远 - 2001/06/03 07:30:09
***
谢谢隐教授的指正！
[ 回应此贴(Respond to this followup) |
查看原贴(Back to Original) ]
sorry, it is "response TO beggars"
作者(Author)：董静远 - 2001/06/03 07:31:31
***
[ 回应此贴(Respond to this followup) |
查看原贴(Back to Original) ]
照原来那样就可以了。不过“resume”是一个比较“formal”的词，
作者(Author)：Last Hermit - 2001/06/03 10:50:03
***
真要用的话，也许可以这样：The boys were about to resume their way...
此外，您楼下的那句应改为done with the aid of the FrontPage 2000
---------------------------
Meunique
[ 回应此贴(Respond to this followup) |
查看原贴(Back to Original) ]
实话实说 : Straight from the horse's mouth.
作者(Author)：The Yeti - 2001/06/03 12:19:05
***
Just woke up a couple of hours ago ( yeah yeah guys, I know that means 11 am, but it's Sunday !) with a thought in my head. You can use the idiom "Straight from the horse's mouth" as the name of the TV program 实话实说 .
[ 回应此贴(Respond to this followup) |
查看原贴(Back to Original) ]
THANKS THE YETI!But...
作者(Author)：董静远 - 2001/06/03 17:46:51
***
straight from the horse's mouth:
if you hear something straight from the horse's mouth, you're told by someone who has direct knowledge of it
From Longman Dicionary of Comtemporary English(1995 Edition)
我觉得这个成语更强调讲述人的亲身体验，似乎不是将重点放在实话上？
[ 回应此贴(Respond to this followup) |
查看原贴(Back to Original) ]
该节目本身的英文标题是：tell it like it is
作者(Author)：xq - 2001/06/03 22:03:27
***
[ 回应此贴(Respond to this followup) |
查看原贴(Back to Original) ]
sometimes it also means..
作者(Author)：The Yeti - 2001/06/04 00:20:23
***
the horse's mouth
A source of information regarded as original or unimpeachable.
So, if it is unimpeachable, it must be true , right ?
:-) Well, not really, Clinton was unimpeachable, but was he
telling the truth ? :-)
[ 回应此贴(Respond to this followup) |
查看原贴(Back to Original) ]
a revised edition;altered with the Frontpage 2000 for easy proofreading
作者(Author)：董静远 - 2001/06/03 02:46:08
***
It was in the afternoon of the ChildrenIt was in the afternoon of the Children’s Day, Aran and Bernie were on their way to shopping. They were both in high spirits because they were going to buy the toy guns they had been longing for. Suddenly, they noticed a beggar asking for money. With wrinkles all over his face and the filthy, smelly and torn clothes, he looked so horrible that some passers-by were scared away at the sight of him. Just as Aran and Bernie passed him, he turned towards them. ’Would you please be so kind to give me some money?’ he asked in a feeble voice as he pushed forward his jagged can. ‘No!’ Aran gave him a flat refusal despite the poor man’s sincere
plea. He whispered to Bernie, ’Nowadays, many lazybones would like to make a living by begging rather than working and some of them do make a killing on it.’ However, Bernie was sympathetic; he gave a few coins to him. With a grin, the beggar grabbed the money while nodding thanks to them. The boys started to continue on their way when they heard a voice from behind:’ Excuse me, guys, please stop and turn around.’ To their surprise, they found that the beggar had taken off the disguise---the false beard and the ragged clothes--- and turned out a to be a young man. What was more amazing was that there were two photographers filming them at a distance. ‘Excuse me, guys, I am a reporter of the SBN, and we were just doing an experiment to find out the people’s reaction towards beggars.’ he said. ’If you have time, we’d like to invite both of you to our live-televised program---To Tell the Truth. ‘That is
O.K.’ both of the boys agreed. That evening, Aran and Bernie was interviewed in the studio and the anchor was just the fake beggar. To begin with, he showed the film to the audience and then he asked the boys about their views on begging. Aran, citing the fact that many beggars did not get a good character, was embarrassed and apologetic for his rudeness. Bernie said, ’The way I see it is that the beggar’s motivation is not my concern. I just want to show my compassion and do the helpless a favor.’ As the program drew to a close, Bernie was awarded a prize for his deeds and spirit.
[ 回应此贴(Respond to this followup) |
查看原贴(Back to Original) ]
请记住：定冠词后面跟复数名词不能作泛指。因而把“people”前面的“the”去掉，即用零冠词。
作者(Author)：Last Hermit - 2001/06/03 07:13:28
***
---------------------------
Meunique
[ 回应此贴(Respond to this followup) |
查看原贴(Back to Original) ]
免为其难 or 越 (佐)代 刨 or free tutoring to provide you with an unfair edge over other student .
作者(Author)：The Yeti - 2001/06/02 23:48:58
***
OK, Ok, since you are so earnest about it, I will give
it a try. Please keep in mind that I am not an English teacher so my "opinion" does not carry much water.
At your rate of progress, you won't be needing help very soon !
-----------------------------------------------
I will make a few suggestions but try to leave most of the essay untouched. When the real experts come back from their
weekend break, they may have better suggestions.
********************************************************
Suddenly, they noticed a beggar asking for money. He looks so terrible with (remove:his) wrinkles (remove:spreading) all
over (add: his) face
-----
and (remove:his) filthy, smelly and torn clothes that some passers-by were scared away (not sure about the preposition here: I think it should be "by the sight" instead of "at the sight" of him.
-----
When Aran and Bernie passed him, he turned towards them. (The way I pictured how this happened would suggest:
Just as Aran and Bernie passed him, he turned...
------
he asked appealingly while handing out his jagged bowl.
(Handing out usually means "giving something out".
How about he asked appealingly as he pushed forward his...
‘No,’ Aran gave
him a flat refusal despite the poor man’s sincere plea before he whispered (add: to) Bernie, ’Nowadays, many
lazybones would like to make a living by begging rather than working and some of them do make a
killing (change: on) it.’ However, Bernie was sympathetic; he gave a few coins to him. The beggar smiled
when he took (remove:over) the money and (????managed?? Do you mean "thank" ?) them. The boys (started to continue) on their way (change: when) they heard a voice
-------
Excuse me, guys, I am the reporter for the SBN,
and we have just done an experiment to (change: find out) about the people’s reaction towards beggars.�
(**If you already "know", you won't need to find out, would you ?)
(指“实话实说”栏目,肯定有更好的译法): The Ugly truth; Ain't that the truth; Strange but True; To tell the truth; The Plain Truth; Nothing But the Truth; The Naked Truth;...
--------
and Bernie came into the studio and the anchor was just the (change: FAKE) beggar. To begin with, he showed the
film to the audience and then he asked the boys about their view on begging. Aran, citing the fact that
many beggars were of (???low quality?? What do you mean by this???), was (embarrass and apologetic) for his (who is his ? Bernie of the begger. Third person reference unclear) rudeness. Bernie said, ’
The beggar’s ( ??? need clarification on what you mean by "quality") is not my concern. I just want to show my compassion and do the helpless a
favor.’ (As) the program draw(s) to a close, Bernie was awarded a prize for his deeds and spirit.
[ 回应此贴(Respond to this followup) |
查看原贴(Back to Original) ]
"advantage" over other student(s). I need someone to correct me instead of correcting other people !
作者(Author)：The Yeti - 2001/06/02 23:50:54
***
[ 回应此贴(Respond to this followup) |
查看原贴(Back to Original) ]
越俎代庖
作者(Author)：correction - 2001/06/03 00:59:43
***
[ 回应此贴(Respond to this followup) |
查看原贴(Back to Original) ]
Thanks. Any Chinese character I put up in ( ) is a 白字 and requires correction.
作者(Author)：The Yeti - 2001/06/03 12:13:53
***
[ 回应此贴(Respond to this followup) |
查看原贴(Back to Original) ]
BTW: There is a story behind that phrase, can you or someone else quickly and briefly retell it for my benefit ? Thx.
作者(Author)：The Yeti - 2001/06/03 12:31:24
***
[ 回应此贴(Respond to this followup) |
查看原贴(Back to Original) ]
from a dictionary...
作者(Author)：could-be - 2001/06/03 13:10:17
***
《庄子.逍遥游》：‘疱人虽不治疱，尸、祝不越樽俎而代之矣。’
疱人：厨师；不治疱：不下厨，不做饭；尸、祝：掌管祭祀的人。
厨师不做饭，掌管祭祀的也不能放下祭器代他下厨。
[ 回应此贴(Respond to this followup) |
查看原贴(Back to Original) ]
这是统稿，谢谢LAST HERMIT,THE YETI,XQ等老师的大力支持！！！
作者(Author)：董静远 - 2001/06/05 03:01:33
***
IT was in the afternoon of the Children’s Day, Aran and Bernie were on their way to shopping. They were both in high spirits because they were going to buy the toy guns they had been longing for. Suddenly, they noticed a beggar asking for money. With wrinkles all over his face and the filthy, smelly and torn clothes, he looked so horrible that some passers-by were scared away at the sight of him. Just as Aran and Bernie passed him, he turned towards them. ’Would you please be so kind to give me some money?’ he asked in a feeble voice as he pushed forward his jagged bowl. ‘No!’ Aran gave him a flat refusal despite the poor man’s sincere plea. He whispered to Bernie, ’You see, many lazybones would like to make a living by begging rather than working and some of them do make a killing on it.’ However, Bernie was sympathetic; he gave a few coins to him. With a grin, the beggar grabbed the money while nodding thanks to him. The boys started to continue on their way when they heard a voice from behind:’ Hey, guys, please stop.’ To their surprise, they found that the beggar had taken off the disguise---the false beard and the rugged clothes---and turned out a to be a young man. What was more amazing ---there were two photographers filming them at a distance. ‘Excuse me, I am a reporter of the SBN, and we were just doing an experiment to find out people’s responses to beggars.’ he said. ’If you have time, we’d like to invite both of you to our live program---Tell It like It Is. ‘That is O.K.’ the boys agreed. That evening, Aran and Bernie were interviewed in the studio and the anchor was just the fake beggar. To begin with, he replayed the video footage to the audience and then he asked the boys about their views on begging. Aran, citing the fact that many beggars did not get a good character, was embarrassed and apologetic for his rudeness and hostility. Bernie said, ’The beggar’s motivation is not my concern. I just want to show my compassion and do the helpless a favor.’ As the program drew to a close, Bernie was awarded a prize for his generosity.
[ 回应此贴(Respond to this followup) |
查看原贴(Back to Original) ]
扛“枪”的不叫“photographer”，而叫“cameraman”。
作者(Author)：Last Hermit - 2001/06/05 04:08:37
***
---------------------------
Meunique
[ 回应此贴(Respond to this followup) |
查看原贴(Back to Original) ]
I c. Thanx! ^☆^
作者(Author)：董静远 - 2001/06/05 08:59:49
***
[ 回应此贴(Respond to this followup) |
查看原贴(Back to Original) ]
[ 跟贴目录 (List of Followups) ] [ 返回论坛(Back to Forum) ]