棉棉的《糖》

A

　　父亲为什么会把我逼到蒙娜丽纱面前，并且给我听交响乐？我想这是那种叫做命运的东西。到了二十七岁，我才敢向他提起这个问题（以前我甚至怕提到这个女人的名字）。他说肖邦是好东西，当我濠淘大哭，他就是要把我一个人关在屋子里听肖邦。那时周围没有人家象我们一样拥有唱机和电视机，那时肉、布、油、粮食等物品还在实行配给制，那时周围有很多邻居还靠到菜场拣菜皮过生活，父亲说我们是这幢楼里唯一的知识份子家庭，而且我们有海外亲戚，他们经常送东西给我们，父亲认为我应该感到幸运。

　　父亲说他根本想不到我会怕那幅挂在墙上的复制品，他说你为什么不看挂在旁边的世界地图，中国地图，或者我画的图纸，你为什么要看那幅画像？最后他说那么，你为什么会那么怕她？

　　有几个人问过我这个问题，问多一次，我的恐惧就减少一次。我没有办法回答这个问题。就象我不明白在我那么小，几乎还不怎么会说话的时候，我的父亲为什么用这么一种方式来对付我的哭泣。

　　虽然我从没仔细看过这个女人（因为我太害怕了），但关于我的童年，最强烈的印象就是这个女人的画像。

　　长大一点的时候，我开始确定：她的眼睛，就象一场正在发生的车祸；她的鼻子，是黑暗发出的一道命令，是黑暗里笔直的梯子；她的嘴角，是灾难的旋涡；这个女人几乎没有骨头，除了她的眉骨，她光秃秃的眉骨，是无所不在的嘲讽；她的衣服，是一个能把我拐走的大伞，还有她的腮，她的手指，毫无疑问象腐烂尸体的一部分。

　　这个女人极危险，而我曾是如此靠近这危险，似乎我什么都不怕，就怕看见她。在初中历史课上，在这副画像的幻灯片面前，我曾持续惊叫，喉咙发紧，因此被老师当成坏学生罚站，接着被叫到教导处训话，并被追问是否看过黄色手抄本《少女之心》。

　　从那时起，我开始恨画她的那个人，我恨所有自称自己是“知识份子”的人，这种恨就是恨，当我敞开我的心扉，这痉孪着的愤怒便跳动在我的血液里，我把这种感受命名为“恨”。

　　对于这副画像毫无疑问的惊恐，带走了我对父母所有的亲密，并使我过早确定了这个世界是不可知的。

　　渐渐的，我找到了对付这种恐惧的力量，那就是月亮，月光；或者象月光一样的光线；象月光一样的眼睛，嘴唇；或者象月光一样的男人的背。

　　Why did Father push me in front of a print of the Mona Lisa painting and make me listen to orchestra music? Fate is what the reason is, I think. I didn't dare to ask him about this until I was 27: I was afraid of even mentioning her name before that. He answers Chopin was good for me. When I cried, he wanted me to listen to Chopin, locked in the room, alone. It was a time when none of the neighbors owned a turntable or a television set, when meat, fabrics for making clothes, cooking oil and grains were rationed, and when many people scraped by by going through the discard bin in the food market. Father says ours was the only intellectual family in the apartment building. Besides, we had overseas relatives who sent us packages of things. I should have felt lucky, Father says.

Father says he never knew I was afraid of the painting on the wall. Why didn't you look away at the maps of China and the world, or even my engineering blueprints, he asks. Why did you have to look at her? Finally, why were you afraid?

Several people have asked me the same question. Every time someone asks it, I become less phobic of the subject. But I have no answer, just as I have no answer to why Father would do that to me every time I cried, when I was so little, barely speaking.

I had never looked very deliberately at that woman--I was that intimidated--even though the impression of the painting was indelible in the memories of my childhood.

But when I was more grown, I became certain: Her eyes were a head-on accident in progress, her nose an inscrutable order issued from the darkness, the corners of her mouth the vortex of ill fortune, her thin brows--she appeared boneless otherwise--a hint of sarcasm at all times, her clothes a giant umbrella under which I could be spirited away, and her cheeks and fingers no doubt parts of a decomposing corpse.

The woman was so dangerous and yet I got so close to her. I had been a fearless youth but I was frightened by her. I remembered screaming when a slide of the painting was shown to my junior high History class. I had felt a tightening in my throat. I had to finish that period standing, as a punishment for my bad behavior. Later I was harangued by the student counselor, who asked persistently if I had read The Heart of A Young Girl, that legendary hand-scribed underground sex novel.

From that moment on, I began to hate the person who had painted her, and those who had taken to calling themselves intellectuals. The hatred, yes hatred, was the anger convulsing and pulsating in my blood, whenever I dared to look inside at myself. That feeling I had named hatred.

The unmistakable dread of the painting had robbed me of my intimate feelings for my parents, and had made me learn precociously that this world was beyond comprehension.

In time, I discovered the strength that would steel me against this phobia. It is the moon, or the moonlight; or rays of light just like the moonlight; or eyes or lips just like the moonlight; or man's back just like the moonlight.

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• 原文在此： - laoliu 20000514150700
  • Well done! Enjoyed it. Thanks! - 古月 20000514212924
    • 不客气！ - laoliu 20000515110102
      • 新闻炒作一下 - clown 20000515174406
        • How old is your virgin then? - 接着炒 20000515222721
          • Sphinx Riddle - clown 20000515230452
            • I see. It must be a 2000+18-year-old virgin whose name is Mona Lisa:-) - 接着炒 20000515234336
              • I hereby declare you King Of Thebes--Oedipus接着炒。 - clown 20000516000517
                • Oh, my! But don't hang yourself, Jocasta! - 接着炒 20000516010034
                  • What a timely warning. By Your Majesty's grace, is an imminent tragedy prevented. Thanks Oedipus Complex接着炒。 - clown 20000516020104
                    • Enjoyed witty exchanges between you two :-) 接着炒可以回家炒菜了:-) - XY 20000516085155
  • I am not terribly interested in the original text, but I enjoyed your translation very much. - XY 20000514220107
  • 干脆“a Mona Lisa”不更好？不过，“Mona Lisa”要用斜体显示就是啦。太晚了，明天再评呀。对不起，您没请我，我也不客气啦，因为尚有余兴未尽呀！ - Last Hermit 20000515115940
  • 谢谢！不爱原文爱译文，几处商榷供参考。 - 野草 20000515123217
    • 谢谢鼓励！ - laoliu 20000515132509
      • 译得好。基本同意野草XY二君点评。 - tian xin 20000515171623
        • 不同意和同意！！ - laoliu 20000516100449
          • Oh, poor Mian Mian, Sweety turns out to be poisonous herb :-( I hope she is not visiting this forum at this moment. 本人有一项重大建议： - XY 20000516105400
            • 尽管我也不欣赏她的作品，但窃以为，这类作品应该允许它存在，如果要批评，也应该只限于文学范畴。不应乱扣帽子。 - Last Hermit 20000516112846
              • Can't agree with you more:-) Live and let live. No hat has ever been put on anybody's head. - xy 20000516131642
            • Red Flag Translators' Co-op? Good idea! - laoliu 20000516114519
              • I remember you posted something about highway traffic jam caused by " right" and " privilege", very funny,I enjoyed it very much. - xy 20000516132149
                • 谢谢您还记得俺那篇小文！ - laoliu 20000516160540
            • 俱往矣。《狗蛋》《秋萍》涉笔成趣纯熟干净的文体。渔夫君是但开风气不理坛，独钓寒江不管咱了哎 :( - tian xin 20000516182235
              • 估计是忙，或渔婆管的严:-) 咱们还是leave him alone for a while 吧！ - XY 20000516194851
              • 我想渔老去钓鱼岛钓鱼不容易呀，因为没有人文攻武吓给他助威呢。衷心祝愿他平安归来！ - Last Hermit 20000516202854
• 上班偷着乐：先来一段 - Last Hermit 20000516040428
  • Good staff 妙极! 恭喜瘾君子! - wq 20000516041645
  • 漏了将“嚎啕大哭”译为“cried badly”！ - Last Hermit 20000516045953
    • 嚎啕大哭：bawl, wail - tian xin 20000516051235
      • 但用在这里，窃以为不当。因为作者连“嚎啕大哭”都写错了，加上文字并不很流畅，也无什么文采。用一个俚俗语“badly”足矣！ - Last Hermit 20000516102020
        • Right on, man! - laoliu 20000516102316
  • Thanks! - laoliu 20000516100801
• 接着乐： - Last Hermit 20000516214817
  • A man's back it is! 谢谢！ - laoliu 20000516230641

原文在此：

Well done! Enjoyed it. Thanks!

不客气！

新闻炒作一下

How old is your virgin then?

Sphinx Riddle

I see. It must be a 2000+18-year-old virgin whose name is Mona Lisa:-)

I hereby declare you King Of Thebes--Oedipus接着炒。

Oh, my! But don't hang yourself, Jocasta!

What a timely warning. By Your Majesty's grace, is an imminent tragedy prevented. Thanks Oedipus Complex接着炒。

Enjoyed witty exchanges between you two :-) 接着炒可以回家炒菜了:-)

I am not terribly interested in the original text, but I enjoyed your translation very much.

干脆“a Mona Lisa”不更好？不过，“Mona Lisa”要用斜体显示就是啦。太晚了，明天再评呀。对不起，您没请我，我也不客气啦，因为尚有余兴未尽呀！

谢谢！不爱原文爱译文，几处商榷供参考。

谢谢鼓励！

译得好。基本同意野草XY二君点评。

不同意和同意！！

Oh, poor Mian Mian, Sweety turns out to be poisonous herb :-( I hope she is not visiting this forum at this moment. 本人有一项重大建议：

尽管我也不欣赏她的作品，但窃以为，这类作品应该允许它存在，如果要批评，也应该只限于文学范畴。不应乱扣帽子。

Can't agree with you more:-) Live and let live. No hat has ever been put on anybody's head.

Red Flag Translators' Co-op? Good idea!

I remember you posted something about highway traffic jam caused by " right" and " privilege", very funny,I enjoyed it very much.

谢谢您还记得俺那篇小文！

俱往矣。《狗蛋》《秋萍》涉笔成趣纯熟干净的文体。渔夫君是但开风气不理坛，独钓寒江不管咱了哎 :(

估计是忙，或渔婆管的严:-) 咱们还是leave him alone for a while 吧！

我想渔老去钓鱼岛钓鱼不容易呀，因为没有人文攻武吓给他助威呢。衷心祝愿他平安归来！

上班偷着乐：先来一段

Good staff 妙极! 恭喜瘾君子!

漏了将“嚎啕大哭”译为“cried badly”！

嚎啕大哭：bawl, wail

但用在这里，窃以为不当。因为作者连“嚎啕大哭”都写错了，加上文字并不很流畅，也无什么文采。用一个俚俗语“badly”足矣！

Right on, man!

Thanks!

接着乐：

A man's back it is! 谢谢！