"Ass Kissing: You're the best donkey in the world!"

Since there's a lot of good-natured buttering-up going around on this board, let us read some pointers from the TIME magazine. I hope you enjoy, you smart and beautiful people!

You Look Marvelous!

The TIME Magazine, June 5, 2000, Pages 76-77, Unattributed
(American magazines exaggerate the timeliness of their reportage by postdating their publications by a week)

Everyone from Plutarch to Mark Twain offers advice on how to flatter successfully--and not get caught. Some rules:

Be specific Forget one-size-fits-all compliments like "You're the best!" You could be flattering anyone. Don't tell Tom Hanks you think he's a great actor. Say, "I loved your opening tracking shot in That Thing You Do!"

Praise the beautiful for their intelligence, and the intelligent for their beauty This was Casanova's credo, and it is the silver bullet of seduction.

Find something you really do like If you're a bit squeamish about making up things, figure out something you actually do admire and praise it to the skies.

Flatter people behind their back First, you'll never be suspected of being a slimy little weasel. Plus, it's actually more effective. When the flatteree hears you've said she is "brilliant," she will think much more kindly of you.

Don't be afraid of flattering people whom you think already get enough flattery If they get a lot of flattery, they need a lot of flattery. And they can always use more. It's renewable resource, and, heck, it's free.

Tell a secret When we reveal something intimate, we flatter the other person that he or she is worthy of trust. Just don't confess you're a shameless flatterer.

Never say, "You were so much better than I thought you would be" Don't give a compliment that suggests you held a low opinion of the person before.

Mix a litter bitter with the sweet Including a tiny bit of criticism with the praise makes the flattery seem more authentic: "I thought there was one slow movement in the first act, but other than that, it was better than Hamlet."

Know how far to go too far Don't overdo it. If you say, "Your paintings put Rembrandt to shame," the artist may be a tad skeptical.

Comparisons are never odious Just as we envy people who are nearest to us in status, we feel more gratified when we hear we're better looking than our neighbor.

Ask for a small favor As Plutarch first noted, we like people for whom we do favors more than people who do favors for us.

But never offer a compliment and ask a favor at the same time When you charge for praise, you make the receiver wary.

* Plutarch: Greek biographer and philosopher. He wrote Parallel Lives, a collection of biographies that Shakespeare used in his Roman plays.
* Tracking shot好像是指一组连续的、接头平滑的镜头，因为摄影机放在铁轨上。
* Casanova: a playboy, after Giovanni Jacopo Casanova de Seingalt, an Italian man of such reputation

“啊，我真佩服您对《论持久战》的深刻理解！”
“您的高度近视眼镜展示了青春活力！”
“您的连衣裙就透着一份儿聪明劲儿！”
“您走路的姿态很美、美极了、美的不得了！”
“老刘这个人挺不错的，您说是吧？”
“老板您看起来脸色不错！”“您可别跟人说，我背上长了个疮……”“您这次的表现出人意料地优秀……打嘴打嘴！”
“首长，您也得休息休息啊！”
“比起您来，李白是谁！”
“咱比越南强吧？”
Is it "ask a favor" or "ask FOR a favor?"

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• Joke - elle 20000601012011
  • 我警告你们：要是我那份招商函在这星期之前赶不完，朋友找我算帐，我唯你们是问！ - Last Hermit 20000601093203
• 比起您来，那卓别林是谁？老刘，向您提个意见：总是不注意休息:-( 身体是革命的本钱哪！ - 古月 20000601084512
• You are the best laoliu I've ever known - he zi 20000601094046
  • “某某，这话我可是只跟您说，比起古月、he zi来，老刘是谁！” :-) - laoliu 20000601101653
• 你们就别乱拍啦。刘老最不喜欢人家拍马奉承。 - 渔夫 20000601101956
  • 数您拍得最响！几里地外都听见了:-) - XY 20000601102406
    • 和您说句悄悄话，这坛上俺最佩服的就是刘老。 - 渔夫 20000601103215
• 老刘，我没见过您，我基本拿您当同胞，可每当我读到您的英文帖子时，就怀疑您是洋鬼子中国通。我现在正式斗胆质问您，那帖子是您自己写的还是抄的？ - XY 20000601103927
  • 应为“那些英文帖子”而不是“那帖子” - xy 20000601104305
    • 我不是鬼子，也没有鬼子太太或女友。所有的帖子，没有注明出处的，都是老刘犯的错。:-) - laoliu 20000601113443
      • 您这么实话实说，多打击我们的自信心呀！也就是我总批评您，您看那些人把您拍的，真让人看不惯:-))) - XY 20000601120048
        • 嘿嘿，您说的极是！非常的有道理！！没辙没辙的！！！ - laoliu 20000601122446
• 刘兄，这儿人少我跟您说件事：全球最富盛名的站点《汉英论坛》上有个叫Lao Liu的，他那英文可厉害，害得我一直不敢露面！ - Last Hermit 20000601105204
  • 你是真夸赞，还是想让老刘教你怎么翻译招商广告？ - 民办 20000601121009
• 老刘不是王朔就是葛优！ - 民办 20000601110359
  • 瞧您这话说的。那王朔葛优的认得洋字码吗？会说“鼓捣猫腻三克油”吗？ - 渔夫 20000601111052
    • 哎呀，哥们、姐们、叔、姨，大家中文、英文比我好过很多，比起你们来，老刘是谁？ - laoliu 20000601115945
• 有评最佳拍马奖吗？奖品？ - 好 奇 20000601124450
  • 老刘主帖的标题上不是已经有了吗？那叫“best donkey”！奖品当然是“金驴”啦！:-) - 古月 20000601224030
• Well, well, well, let's all be merry in this hearty ass-scrubbing contest!:-) Flattery is like WINE, - 野草 20000601124753
  • 家兄，您不是在“拍”我吧？今天的目标可是老刘呀！ - 新野 20000601133424
  • “牲口们”中的“们”实为蛇足，斩之可也！ - Last Hermit 20000601201613
• A story about flattery. - The Yeti 20000601132021
  • The guy must have known Shakespeare - clown 20000601230517
    • 千穿万穿 ,马屁不穿 - The Yeti 20000602160952
      • 中外古今，地狱人间: You are one of the best Snowmen, if not the very best :) - clown 20000602173954
• Ask a favour, that's it! - Last Hermit 20000601201204

Joke

我警告你们：要是我那份招商函在这星期之前赶不完，朋友找我算帐，我唯你们是问！

比起您来，那卓别林是谁？老刘，向您提个意见：总是不注意休息:-( 身体是革命的本钱哪！

You are the best laoliu I've ever known

“某某，这话我可是只跟您说，比起古月、he zi来，老刘是谁！” :-)

你们就别乱拍啦。刘老最不喜欢人家拍马奉承。

数您拍得最响！几里地外都听见了:-)

和您说句悄悄话，这坛上俺最佩服的就是刘老。

老刘，我没见过您，我基本拿您当同胞，可每当我读到您的英文帖子时，就怀疑您是洋鬼子中国通。我现在正式斗胆质问您，那帖子是您自己写的还是抄的？

应为“那些英文帖子”而不是“那帖子”

我不是鬼子，也没有鬼子太太或女友。所有的帖子，没有注明出处的，都是老刘犯的错。:-)

您这么实话实说，多打击我们的自信心呀！也就是我总批评您，您看那些人把您拍的，真让人看不惯:-)))

嘿嘿，您说的极是！非常的有道理！！没辙没辙的！！！

刘兄，这儿人少我跟您说件事：全球最富盛名的站点《汉英论坛》上有个叫Lao Liu的，他那英文可厉害，害得我一直不敢露面！

你是真夸赞，还是想让老刘教你怎么翻译招商广告？

老刘不是王朔就是葛优！

瞧您这话说的。那王朔葛优的认得洋字码吗？会说“鼓捣猫腻三克油”吗？

哎呀，哥们、姐们、叔、姨，大家中文、英文比我好过很多，比起你们来，老刘是谁？

有评最佳拍马奖吗？奖品？

老刘主帖的标题上不是已经有了吗？那叫“best donkey”！奖品当然是“金驴”啦！:-)

Well, well, well, let's all be merry in this hearty ass-scrubbing contest!:-) Flattery is like WINE,

家兄，您不是在“拍”我吧？今天的目标可是老刘呀！

“牲口们”中的“们”实为蛇足，斩之可也！

A story about flattery.

The guy must have known Shakespeare

千穿万穿 ,马屁不穿

中外古今，地狱人间: You are one of the best Snowmen, if not the very best :)

Ask a favour, that's it!