请高手帮翻译一下，
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kyu 于 2000/08/12 10:10:50 发表在 汉英
因接到汇款通知的时间是5月16日，目前已临近3个月的汇款期限，所以麻烦您能帮助验证一下是否接到了我的登陆费的汇款！
我已经于7月3日将登陆费用EMS重新寄到您那里，如果您目前仍然没有收到我的登陆费的话，
请您在方便的时候通知我，我会以最快的速度再寄给您！
十分感谢您的帮助和支持，同时也对给您带来的麻烦深表歉意！
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老规矩,请先来个初稿,然后大家给你修改,不然请找翻译社代劳.
作者：蓦然 - 2000/08/12 10:31:36
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原稿请多指教
作者：kyu - 2000/08/12 11:28:46
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打扰您，很抱歉. <----- 这个开头辞不知如何翻。
I received the notice of remittance on May.16th,
which almost access the three months limit of remittance.
Could you give me a confirmation if you received my
landing fee? If not receive, I will resend as soon as possible.
Thanks for your kindness help, I am sorry for the trouble
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试译
作者：蓦然 - 2000/08/12 12:19:37
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Since the remittance advice was received on May 16, which means the 3-months time limit for remittance is now almost due, please help me check whether the remittance of landing fee has been recieved.
On July 3 I re-sent you the landing fee* by EMS. In case you haven't received it yet, please inform me at your convenience. I will send it to you again as soon as possible.
Thank you for your help and support, and I am very sorry for causing you the trouble.
*不知道这登陆费具体是什么,所以直译为landing fee.
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十分感谢
作者：kyu - 2000/08/12 12:49:19
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十分感谢
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十分感谢
作者：kyu - 2000/08/12 12:54:59
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十分感谢
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十分感谢
作者：kyu - 2000/08/12 12:54:58
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十分感谢
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十分感谢
作者：kyu - 2000/08/12 12:55:01
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十分感谢
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十分感谢
作者：kyu - 2000/08/12 12:55:05
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十分感谢
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me try also
作者：A grouchy Yeti - 2000/08/12 23:54:02
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I hope you don't mind me saying this, but I found the original Chinese text to be rather
confusing. You should fix that up first before attempting an English version.
(i) The notification for the remittance was May 16th; however, you did not mention in
your letter when you made your first remittance.
(ii) You did not specify what the person should do if the he/she receives both
the remittances.
(iii) You can't ask him to notify you at his leisure; you have a deadline to meet.
Your politeness underscores the urgency of the situation.. You need to
ask him/her to let you know as soon as possible (a.s.a.p.) so that he/she
will sit up and take notice.
Here is my attempt, with the following assumptions:
(i) The first remittance was sent shortly after you received the notification.
(ii) This letter is of a "business" nature. I.e. it is not sent to a friend. Also, the
person on the other end is a non-Chinese (since you are asking for
an English version). For a formal or semi-formal
letter, you need to be polite but not keep on bowing yourself until you can't straighten
up your back. (Everytime I see these profusion of apologies , excessive
politeness and/or the dishing out of lavish praises it reminds me of those damnable old Hollywood movie's protrait
of an old Chinese gentleman bowing and bowing in front of his masters, officials
and/or foreigners until he can't straighten his back. May be I have been out here
too long and don't know that is still the way things are done in China. But when
you write to a "foreigner", you have to take into consideration of the cultural
difference and avoid using the same format as you would use for writing
to another Chinese. To a non-Chinese who is not used to excessive politeness,
the superlatives will either look silly or sound hollow.
=========================================================
Dear Sir (or Madam),
On May 16th I received a notification for sending you the landing fee. I immediately
complied but have recieved no verification so far. Since the time limit of 3 months for
transmitting it is fast approaching, I will be much obliged if you could, in your return mail,
verified whether the remittance had been received.
As a precaution to the first remittance having been lost, I sent you a second remittance
by EMS on July 3rd . If you have not received that one by now, please notify me as
soon as possible so that I can re-sent the money at the greatest of haste.
I thank you for your kind attention to this matter.
Your Truly,
The hungry and grouchy Yeti who is going to cook some wontoon for
a mid-night snack.
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Great comments! Thanks, the Yeti!
作者：wq - 2000/08/13 07:47:27
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BTW, the underscored part: "Your politeness underscores the urgency", or "UNDERMINES"?
作者：wq - 2000/08/13 08:22:49
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Good suggestion. Make it sound even more serious.
作者：The Yeti - 2000/08/13 11:10:09
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When I used the word "underscores" I meant to tell
(Mr,Miss, Mrs, Ms) Kyu
that the use of "replying at your convenience" lessens the
sense of urgency. Your suggestion of "undermine" tells our
friend here that if (s)he does demand a quick response,
the whole endeavour would
be jeopardized.
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谢谢雪人解释, 我可能把这两个字儿搞混了.
作者：WQ - 2000/08/13 12:49:30
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Sorry, it was me that got you mixed up. I forgot to put in the words "fails to" before underscore.
作者：The Yeti - 2000/08/14 15:24:11
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Once again it was my strange mental block that caused me to write
a positive instead of a negative. I meant to say
he failed to make the other person aware of how serious the situation
was. Your suggestion is excellent because it tells this guy
that if he does not let the other person know how serious the
situation was, the whole thing would collapse.
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