HOW DO CRAZY PEOPLE GO THROUGH THE FOREST?
THEY TAKE THE PSYCHO PATH.
HOW DO YOU GET HOLY WATER?
YOU BOIL THE HELL OUT OF IT.
WHAT DO FISH SAY WHEN THEY HIT A CONCRETE WALL?
DAM!
WHAT DO ESKIMOS GET FROM SITTING ON THE ICE TOO LONG?
POLAROIDS
WHAT DO YOU CALL A BOOMERANG THAT DOESN'T WORK?
A STICK.
WHAT DO YOU CALL CHEESE THAT ISN'T YOURS?
NACHO CHEESE.
WHAT DO YOU CALL SANTA'S HELPERS?
SUBORDINATE CLAUSES.
WHAT DO YOU CALL FOUR BULLFIGHTERS IN QUICKSAND?
CUATRO SINKO.
WHAT DO YOU GET FROM A PAMPERED COW?
SPOILED MILK.
WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS A SNOWMAN WITH A VAMPIRE?
FROSTBITE.
WHAT LIES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN AND TWITCHES?
A NERVOUS WRECK.
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ROAST BEEF AND PEA SOUP?
ANYONE CAN ROAST BEEF
WHERE DO YOU FIND A DOG WITH NO LEGS?
RIGHT WHERE YOU LEFT HIM.
WHY DO GORILLAS HAVE BIG NOSTRILS?
BECAUSE THEY HAVE BIG FINGERS.
WHY DON'T BLIND PEOPLE LIKE TO SKY DIVE?
BECAUSE IT SCARES THE DOG.
WHAT KIND OF COFFEE WAS SERVED ON THE TITANIC?
SANKA
WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A HARLEY AND A HOOVER?
THE LOCATION OF THE DIRT BAG.
WHY DOES A PILGRIM'S PANTS ALWAYS FALL DOWN?
BECAUSE THEY WEAR THEIR BELT BUCKLE ON THEIR HAT.
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BAD GOLFER AND A BAD SKYDIVER?
A BAD GOLFER GOES, WHACK, DANG IT!.
A BAD SKYDIVER GOES DANG IT!! WHACK
HOW DO YOU CATCH A UNIQUE RABBIT?
UNIQUE UP ON IT.
HOW DO YOU CATCH A TAME RABBIT?
TAME WAY, UNIQUE UP ON IT.
WHAT DO YOU CALL SKYDIVING LAWYERS?
SKEET.
WHAT GOES CLOP, CLOP, CLOP, BANG, BANG, CLOP, CLOP, CLOP?
AN AMISH DRIVE-BY SHOOTING
HOW ARE A TEXAS TORNADO AND A TENNESSEE DIVORCE THE SAME?
SOMEBODY'S GONNA LOSE A TRAILER
(Sent to me by a friend, perhaps by way of
this year's "Prairie Home Companion"
annual joke show--at least some of them. Sorry for the capitals and my lazy keyboard:)