(Background info: Rodney Dangerfield is a rather famous standup comedian, best
known for his "I'm so ugly..." routines. Read on and you'll see.)
A girl phoned me the other day and said ....
"Come on over, there's nobody home" I went over.....
Nobody was home.
I was such an ugly kid ....I could tell that my parents hated me ....
My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
I was such an ugly kid ....
When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.
One day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked.
I said to the guy .... "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?"
He said, "Because you came home early."
I'm so ugly...
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
Its been a rough day. I got up this morning .... I put on a
shirt and button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the
handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
I'm so ugly...When I was born ....
The doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father
"I'm very sorry. We did everything we could...But he pulled through."
I'm so ugly... My mother had morning sickness - after I was born.
My wife made me join a bridge club .... I jump off next Tuesday.
I'm so ugly...I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a
piece of my finger to my father .... He said he wanted more proof.
I'm so ugly...Once when I was lost I saw a policeman and asked him
to help me find my parents .... I said to him .... "Do you think
we'll ever find them? " He said........ "I don't know kid ...
there are so many places they can hide."
I'm so ugly... I worked in a pet shop and the people kept asking
how big I'd get.
I'm so ugly...I went to see my doctor .... "Doctor, every morning
when I get up and look in the mirror I feel like throwing up;
What's wrong with me?" He said..."I don't know but your eyesight
is perfect."
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping
pills.... My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some
rest.
AND THE ALL-TIME CLASSIC
I was such an ugly baby .... My mother never breast fed me.
She told me that she only liked me as a friend.