陶然 于 1999/11/19 23:27:07 发表在 汉英
昨晚睡不着，又试译了首词，请大家帮我改改，多谢！
To the tune of shengshengman
By Li Qingzhao
Seek and find,
lonesome mind,
desolate, forlorn kind.
About to be warm, yet quite cold still,
most hard to keep oneself far from ill.
Three pints, two cups tasteless liquor,
how to withstand this evening chill?
A wild goose flew by,
heartaching my,
well, an old friend known!
Yellow flowers on the ground pilled,
withered, languished, haggarded,
who will want them still?
Sitting alone by the window,
how to reach the evening dark?
Wutong tree and misty rain,
at this dusky hour,
dripping-dropping down.
Look at all this,
how can you say: just a melancholic tune?
声声慢 --李清照
寻寻觅觅，冷冷清清，凄凄惨惨戚戚。乍暖还寒时候，最难
将息。三杯两盏淡酒，怎敌他、晚来风急！雁过也，正伤心
，却是旧时相识。
满地黄花堆积，憔悴损，如今有谁堪摘？守著窗儿，独自怎
生得黑！梧桐更兼细雨，到黄昏，点点滴滴。这次第，怎一
个愁字了得！
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Welcome back, old friend!
作者：Owen - 1999/11/19 23:49:19
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It's such a spontaneous piece of art that I almost fainted after reading:-) U did have an empathic reading of the original before re-composing them with ur own passion-inspired impulse. How can anybody venture to revise such an organic piece of artistic work? Any attempt at polishing the wording will only result in a broken chain of pearls.
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我觉得好象。。。
作者：forgot-to-forget - 1999/11/20 00:21:25
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也应该让不知道原文的人读读，才好说评这译出来的词到底怎样。
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那光看译文而不带原文的先入为主就更没问题了！
作者：旁观 - 1999/11/20 00:35:33
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thx! plz enter...
作者：陶然 - 1999/11/20 01:14:07
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u can find some of my stuff at my cyber home.
链接：陶然主页
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稍加改变
作者：tian xin - 1999/11/20 03:48:18
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Your translation already works very well. However, I'll offer a few changes which may be regarded as possible alternatives rather than corrections:
To the tune of shengshengman
By Li Qingzhao
Seek and not find,
lonesome mind,
desolate, forlorn kind.
About to be warm, yet quite cold still,
most hard to keep oneself from ill.
Three pints, two cups tasteless liquor,
how to withstand such evening chill?
A wild goose flew by,
heartache hour,
one old friend known!
Yellow petals on the ground piled,
wan and sallow, and withered,
who would pluck them still?
Sitting by the window, alone,
languishing in the approaching dark.
Wutong tree by thin rain washed,
dripping-dropping
till dusk.
Alas, this sorrow of mine,
how can you say: just a melancholic tune!
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有点画龙点睛的效果，尤其是seek and not find恰到好处。
作者：砖头 - 1999/11/21 00:06:47
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却是旧时相“识”！you good, forgot!
作者：正，恰巧路过 - 1999/11/20 22:32:11
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