短短一句话，我怎么译得那么长？
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Last Hermit 于 1999/11/27 23:31:19 发表在 汉英
Far away, in the mountains, a herd is being moved up the familiar muddy scars toward its summer pasture.
拙译：在远处，群山中，羊群正沿着它们所熟悉的路，爬上土色断崖陡生的地方，赶往夏日的牧场。
其中，“夏日的牧场”也觉得别扭！
各位有何高见？
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Meunique
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跟贴目录:
- 挺有诗意的。 - potential poet 19991128002341
- 到底谁赶谁 - 猜猜 19991128023003
- 忆起中亚之美 - He Zi 19991128111951
挺有诗意的。
作者：potential poet - 1999/11/28 00:23:41
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到底谁赶谁
作者：猜猜 - 1999/11/28 02:30:03
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是羊群赶往牧场，还是羊群被赶往牧场。
另外，此处“夏日的牧场”让人费解。是否是游牧民族沿着向刀疤一样嵌在群山间泥泞的山路赶着牛羊去往夏季的草场，他们生活的下一站？
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这有特殊的context
作者：Last Hermit - 1999/11/28 04:28:55
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这里描述的是一幅画的情景。画面上反映出的是季节的变化。
当然，是羊群被赶往summer pasture.
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Meunique
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“夏牧场”就可以了。
作者：yl - 1999/11/28 11:05:18
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忆起中亚之美
作者：He Zi - 1999/11/28 11:19:51
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在远方，群山的中间，羊群正沿着坡上惯走的泥泞故道，迁往夏季牧场。
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绝！mmm....yummie!
作者：U-R-A-Doomed-Poet! - 1999/11/28 11:25:45
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对了，跟我的感觉一样。我也是
作者：猜猜 - 1999/11/28 11:25:56
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想到了多年前读的一本书，讲的就是人类在中亚地区的发展史。
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如果不确知是“羊群”，可能改译为“畜群”或“牛羊”更准确些。
作者：He Zi - 1999/11/28 11:31:49
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土坯一块
作者：泥瓦匠 - 1999/11/28 11:54:29
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清风，晨光，
山泥故道牛羊，
牧场，远方。
印象派，Huh?
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反“古道西风”之意而用的小章，颇有趣味:-)
作者：He Zi - 1999/11/28 12:12:14
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谢楼上两位共鸣:-)
作者：He Zi - 1999/11/28 11:55:43
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muddy scars似是指悬崖峭壁……
作者：Last Hermit - 1999/11/29 04:33:55
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Here's what I see through the grimy pane of time:
I'm looking down from the wooded hills into a valley. The valley runs diagonally from near the bottom left of the picture, with a river that meanders through it, past a village, past a castle crowning a bluff, to a distant town at the edge of the sea, close to the high horizon. Running along the left-hand side of the valley are mountains, with jagged crags sticking up like broken teeth, and snow still lying in the high side valleys. It's spring. On the woods below the snow line, and tumbling away in front of where I'm standing, there's the first shimmer of April green. The high valley air is still cold, but as you move down into the valley the chill dies away. The colors change, from cool brilliant greens to deeper and deeper blues. The season seems to shift in front of you from April into May as you travel south into the eye of the sun.
Among the trees just below me is a group of clumsy figures, some of them breaking branches of white blossom from the trees, some caught awkwardly in the middle of a heavy clumping dance. A bagpiper sits on a stump; you can almost hear the harsh pentatonic drone. People are dancing because it's spring agaiin and they're alive to see it.
Far away, in the mountains, a herd is being moved up the familiar muddy scars toward its summer pasture.
Just in front of me again, half-hidden in the raw spring undergrowth, watched only by a bird on a tree, a little thickset man holding two small wild daffodils is expressionlessly touching his comically pouted lips to the comically pouted lipsof a little thickset woman.
And away the eye goes once more, and the heart with it, out into the vast atmospheric depths of the picture, into deeper and deeper blue, to the blue sea and the blue sky above it. The last clouds are just clearing in the warm westerly. A ship is setting sail, bound for the hot south.
上文指出，山谷的左边是崇山峻岭，巉岩交错如犬牙。再说，I看的是远景，不可能是泥泞小径。
不过，He Zi君译得的确比拙译简约，惟muddy scars尚有商榷之处。
顺便问一下：eye of the sun各位如何译呢？
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Meunique
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您是对的。对不起，是我理解有误:(
作者：He Zi - 1999/11/29 13:07:59
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我可能受直观印象的影响，更象是在描述实景而非一幅画。另外scar的确有“峭壁断崖”
的意思，谢指正。
“在远处，群山之间，羊群正被驱上它们熟悉的土色峭崖，迁往夏季牧场。”
可乎:-)
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唔，咱还是觉得以前的好
作者：猜猜 - 1999/11/29 19:22:33
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“土色峭崖”实在不好，无法理解。难道这牛羊还年年月月爬悬崖？否则怎么还熟悉？有点扯淡。应该是山道才对。牛羊迁徙的时候也应该是走路，遇到大山也应该是找个山口过去，年年月月反反复复，没路也走出路来了。这个“土色峭崖”实在有些扯淡。
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大概山道在高崖上吧，要不怎么叫山道呢:-)
作者：He Zi - 1999/11/29 19:57:12
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到底怎么样，得跟隐士商量了，咱们谁也没见过那幅画呀:(
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呵呵，即使那隐士提供的上下文，咱也看不懂。老虎都能插翅膀，羊为什么不会爬悬崖！:-)
作者：猜猜 - 1999/11/29 20:18:04
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Here I'm stuck,too, since no one has ever seen it!
作者：Last Hermit - 1999/11/30 04:16:30
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I recognize it instantly.
I say I recognize it. I've never seen it before. I've never seen even a description of it. No description of it, so far as I know, has ever been given. No one knows for sure who, if anyone apart from the artist himself, has ever seen it.
Thus, it's simply my inference.
My thanks to all of you, though.
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Meunique
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