A Dedicated Man 于 2000/01/03 16:54:36 发表在 汉英
Here's a poem by Marvin Yip.
Anyone care for a translation? Thanks.
WOMEN
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If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you don't, you are not a man
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don't, you are good for nothing
If you agree to all her likes, she is abusing
If you don't, you are not understanding
If you make romance, you are an 'experienced man'
If you don't you are half a man
If you visit her too often, she thinks it is boring
If you don't, she accuses you of double crossing
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you don't, you are a dull boy
If you are jealous, she says it's bad
If you don't , she thinks you do not love her
If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
If you don't, she thinks you do not like her
If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
If she is late, she says that's a girl's way
If you visit another, she accuses you of being a heel
If she is visited by another, 'oh it's natural, we are girls'
If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
If you kiss her too many, she yells that you are taking advantage
If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics
If you do, she thinks it's just one of the man's tactics
If you stare at other, she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by others, she says that they are just admiring
If you talk, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talk
Oh God! you created those creature called "WOMAN'
So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so powerful
So confusing, yet so desirable
"O LORD, tell me what to do. AMEN"
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You know why? Women use brains:-)
作者：a brainy woman - 2000/01/03 18:25:43
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The patient's family gathered to hear what the specialists had to say.
"Things don't look good. The only chance is a brain transplant. This is an experimental procedure. It might work, but the bad news is that brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves."
"Well, how much does a brain cost?" asked the relatives.
" For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000."
Some of the younger male relatives tried to look shocked, but all the men nodded in understanding, and a few actually smirked.
Then the patient's daughter asked, "Why the difference in price between
male brains and female brains?"
"A standard pricing practice," said the head of the team. "Women's brains have to be marked down because they're used."
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薄情者看什么都不顺眼，有情人看什么都会心欢
作者：fun lover - 2000/01/03 18:27:32
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第二性
吻她吧，不够君子
不吻吧，不象汉子
夸她吧，说你欺骗
不夸吧，嫌你笨蛋
顺她吧，你气管炎
不顺吧，解人不善
太浪漫，疑你老练
太规矩，你抻不展
常看她，招她厌烦
少去点，怨你猎艳
穿得好，说你花心
邋遢些，缺个心眼
吃醋吧，你太狭隘
大度点，说你不爱
求欢吧，不够尊重
安分呢，不够爱宠
你晚了，她等得烦
她晚了，女孩特权
你访友，是你堕落
她聚会，天性其乐
少亲她，你太冷淡
老亲她，便宜你占
过街不管，道德有缺憾
领着她走，男人耍手段
你看别人，是挑逗风情
别人看她，是仰慕佳艳
你要说话，她让你听着
洗耳恭听，她逼你开言
上帝啊！
为何拆我骨头造女人
简简繁繁
怯怯炎炎
我晕头转向
我魂萦梦牵
求你告我怎么办！
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Yeah, faults are thin where love is thick:-) Thanks for ur perfect translation!
作者：an unconditional lover - 2000/01/03 18:30:40
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怎么办？
作者：Mrs Shakespeare - 2000/01/04 02:02:11
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See where she is, who's with her, what she does.
I did not send you. If you find her sad,
Say I am dancing; if in mirth, report
That I am sudden sick. Quick and return.
--Antony and Cleopatra Act I, scene iii
瞧瞧她在哪儿，跟谁在一块儿，在做啥儿。别说你受我委派。你要是看见她伤心，说我在跳舞开心；要是她高兴，就说我突然生了病。快去速回！
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到底中文比英文来劲儿！道出了俺的心里话。敢想不敢言啊:(
作者：Geoff - 2000/01/04 14:58:33
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亲爱的杰夫先生，当心回家写检讨！可怜的人儿。
作者：outsider - 2000/01/04 15:05:57
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绝译！
作者：tian xin - 2000/01/04 15:21:05
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Translation simply brilliant! Thanks.
作者：A Dedicated Man - 2000/01/04 16:50:47
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树上的鸟儿成双对: A Chemical Analysis of a MAN
作者：feminist - 2000/01/03 23:49:44
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A Chemical Analysis of a MAN
(Reprinted from the Engaged Couples Mailing List)
Element : Man
Symbol : Jz
Quantitative : Accepted at 7 inches though some isotopes can be as short as 4 inches.
Discoverer : Eve (discovered by accident one day when she had a craving for ribs)
Occurrence : Found following duel element Wo, often in high concentration near a perfect Wo specimen.
Physical properties :
1. Surface often covered with hair; bristly in some areas, soft in others.
2. Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic and Common Sense, melts if treated like a God.
3. Obnoxious when mixed with C*H*-OH (any alcohol).
4. Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme caution.
5. Tends to fall into very low energy state directly after reaction with Wo (Snore... zzzzz).
6. Gains considerable mass as specimen ages, loses reactive nature.
7. Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive to extremely thick.
8. Rarely found in pure form after 14th year.
9. Often damaged as a direct result of unlucky reaction with polluted form of the Wo common ore.
10. When pressure is applied, becomes stiff and unyielding; yields only when subtlety, subterfuge, flattery are applied
Chemical properties :
1. All forms desire reaction with Wo, even when no further reaction is possible.
2. May react with several Wo isotopes in short period under extremely favorable conditions.
3. Most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to Wo.
4. Usually willing to react with whatever is available.
5. Reaction Rates range from aborted/non-existent to pre-interaction effects (which tend to turn the specimen bright red.
6. Reaction styles vary from extremely slow, calm and wet to violent/bloody.
7. When saturated with alcohols, will be fairly inert and will repel most other elements.
8. Is repelled by most household appliances and common household cleansers.
9. Is repelled by small children clothed in diapers, particularly those of the malodorous variety.
10. Is neutral to common courtesy and fairness.
Storage : Best results apparently near 18 for high reaction rate, 25-35 for favorable reaction style.
Uses :
* Heavy boxes, top shelves, long walks late at night, free dinners for Wo...
* Can be used in recreational activities.
Tests : Pure specimen will rarely reveal purity, while reacted specimens broadcast information on many wavelengths.
Caution : Tends to react extremely violently when other Man interferes with reaction to a particular Wo specimen. Otherwise very maleable under correct
conditions.
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This is what we women used to be like before you men turned us into feminists
作者：Mrs Geoff - 2000/01/04 00:20:45
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HOMEMAKER
--by Josephine Esther Ross
A woman's life is little things:
A baby's cry, a child's hurt knee;
The way the grasses grow along
The path beneath the maple tree.
A woman's life is little things:
The way the roses climb in June,
And how the grove is all transformed
By silver fingers of the moon.
The long, straight line of red-tiled roof,
The deep eaves where the shadows lie,
The smoke that from the morning fire
Like incense rises to the sky.
The kettle singing on the stove,
The timid rustling of a mouse;
The lamplight on a row of books,
When evening quiet fills the house.
A seam to sew, a garment mend,
A vase to fill with fern and flower;
The rush to gather in the clothes
Before a sudden summer shower--
Day in, day out, of little things,
She weaves a pattern to and fro,
To make a home: A woman's life
Is peace, if she will keep it so.
For others crowds, and noise and fame,
Fantastic castles by the sea;
For her the guardian walls of home,
The laughing babe upon her knee.
For others hustle, haste, and show,
Poor tawdry baubles men can give
The foolish one who leaves her hearth,
And has no time or place to live.
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