拙译：《理想村》－－请各方家不吝赐教。
[ 跟贴目录 ] [ 返回论坛 ]
Last Hermit 于 2000/01/20 22:16:45 发表在 汉英
理 想 村
[美国]约翰·厄普代克 翻译：隐士
我们一行人确实老早就听过有这么一条村子，但眼前这丛林一望无际的，我们都怕飞机师费德尔和米格尔找不到林间空地降落。还不到一个月之前，就有一架补给机正要飞往比这儿更南的信义会 传教士的所在地，准备用其简易跑道降落时，却遇夜幕骤降，吓得飞机师仓皇向岸边有灯火之处逃窜。当时，他最远就飞到弗罗山脉，飞机便没油了。坠机现场(我们从空中所见)是一个矿废物场，坠机痕迹漫漶不辨。而我们第二架由米格尔驾驶的飞机，也确实在云层中失去了无线电联络*D*D在这方世界里，奇特的云霭就在澹澹的河水上空直接形成，仿佛一条条大蛇漫天飞舞。后来才发觉，那只不过是因为他把收音机调到不停播放雷盖音乐的波段上而已。音乐是从驻扎在奥罗山脉上面大片的叛军营地发射而来的(营地就设在边界上，其目的当然不是要推翻我们这堪称表率的民主政府，而是要推翻邻国的堪称表率的民主政府，建立其可恶的政权。)。我们降落十五分钟后，才见米格尔的赛斯纳出现在空中，看上去只有兀鹰般大小，爱动不动似的。我们齐声喝彩。酋长也欢呼起来，尽管他在城里做过多年脊椎按摩治疗师，阅尽人间苦楚，而且每每要顾及自己的身份。
我们将发动机关掉，将行李(背囊、吊床和斯泰柔仿牌子的冰酒器)开包，并在飞机两翼下结实的泥土上面推成一个个小山，这时候，酋长和激进的牧师们才来接我们，好象难为了他们似的。那条简易跑道，其实就是村里的大街。刚才，我们飞机的强气流就掀走了不少圆锥形屋顶上的茅草，连带人们午休的睡意，亦被其隆隆的发动机声一轰而散。两个牧师中，一个高个子，脸带几分苍白，斯斯文文的模样，说话带西班牙口音；另一个则又矮又黑，是个活泼不羁的混血儿。酋长呢，在大都会打滚了多年，难免有些意气阑珊，嗒然若丧的样子，但一副纯印第安人的容貌却是没说的。尽管他已年近六十，却由于这一创举将共产主义和种族划分糅合得天衣无缝，便又重新振作起来，回到了自己土生土长的地方。他系一条用鹦鹉羽毛做的部落腰带*D*D但两边屁股没遮好，戴一个象征身份的猴皮臂章，穿一件灰色三件头西装背心。米格尔开的那架小赛斯纳是画有红色条纹的，甫一停定，后头便跟了一群小孩子。他们有的赤身露体，有的穿蓝色牛仔服，但个个都显得健康、快活，面无惧色，和我们先前去过的非理想村里的小孩子不一样。我们不见有叫化子，却见幼儿的眼睛都长得如缟玛瑙般好看。倒是我们的仪器又或队伍中都市女性平整亮丽的装束，教那些小眼睛流露出一丝好奇的目光。
我们被领到住处时，见有些男村民正将我们的吊床往头顶上的横梁上系，所打的结却只有他们自己才懂，动作之敏捷，连我们的绳结专家奥提卡也望尘莫及。举凡以藤蔓和纤维为文化基础的部落，和三十年前以其错综复杂的编织鱼网和吊桥，曾教人类学家的先驱们目瞪口呆的部落，都以拥有一种秘密的绳结语言而自鸣得意。每当绳结打好后，总忙不迭拿黑黑的手，捂着那张因没了没了地抽生烟卷而变了形的嘴狂笑不已*D*D一半作挑衅，一半作庆祝。
我们尚有时间，便梳洗了一下，然后就按预定的行程去参观洋蓟田、棉花试验田、长长的茅屋和小小的茅屋。在长茅屋里，女人们正照世代相传的款式在大批量织布，所用的电是由村里的发电机供给的。在小茅屋里，老人们在用木棉树的木头做雕刻，造型都是千篇一律的南美浣熊、水豚、美洲豹和蜈蚣，做好后就拿到千里之外的机场礼品店去卖。这样的工业无疑是欠理想的，因为万物皆有灵气，神圣不可侵犯，而在生产这些动物形态时，我们却是一边用手将其灵魂削掉，一边又用这手来验收，高个子牧师用其不阴不阳的加泰隆语替我们解释道。现在属于过渡阶段，他朝头给刮了一边正低头干活的老人们比划了一下说，他们只能做出这种形状来，因为他们的父辈已将这些东西与活生生的生命混为一谈。他希望，下一代能不落窠臼，生产出来的木刻既能一展其独特的个人才华，又能体现公共福利的妙处。它们在机场商店受不受欢迎，仍需拭目以待。这是我们好不容易摸索出来的，他说道，我们对折衷之法无任欢迎。唯有对终极目标我们才抱坚定不移的信念。
不用说，就是自由、平等、博爱；工人控制生产资料；没有公然存在或暗中进行的压迫。简言之，就是一份边缘没装订的社会契约。小个子牧师笑逐颜开。在此叶茂影重的洋蓟田里，这印第安混血儿的笑容是那样的灿烂。他稍微拱起两只胖乎乎的手掌，一个神秘的形状当即在他法衣面前出现，俨然一张边缘没装订的无形的社会表格。
在确信这一带没有锯脂鲤 而且正赶上这是短吻鳄的昏睡季节的情况下，我们便到河里去游泳。康婕达和埃斯梅拉达均以一身比基尼示人，教人眼前为之一亮：苗条的身材，蜡黄的肌肤，紧张的神情。她们膝盖以下的肌肤全被混浊的河水吞噬了，尤如上了一层神奇的薄漆。尽管如此，我们并没有被吃掉，依然以昔日的肤色示人。两岸的植被却是一般高，一般单调。据我们的植物学家费南度解释，许多热带物种已被大自然改造得几乎一模一样了。假如火星来一探险家，他进一步阐述说，只要他一踏足我们这地球冰封的南北极，发现这里的微生物和地衣是何其多，多到让人慌，让人癫，他便会以为这些就是我们这个纵情纵欲星球上的生命。
我们裹着浴巾，穿过村子中心一片夹在宴客室和青少年入会室之间的大广场，却冷不防发现，这里四处都是光溜溜的大石头，东一块西一块地铺了一地，随着黄昏的降临，在地下投下长长的影子。据我们的人类学家路易斯揣测，它们是在某种仪式或竞技里用来计数的。他猜得也差不离。原本闷闷不乐的酋长这番兴致勃勃地为我们释疑说，那是村里的小伙子举起来测试力气用的。不由我们客气*D*D我们也没坚持，他们硬是要把眼下的冠军叫来。在同伴的一再催促下，一个像女孩子般怯生生的胖男孩被推到我们跟前来。他穿一条蓝色牛仔裤和一件T恤(上面印有“巴塔鞋”字样，但他却是赤脚的)。他脱掉衣服，亮出软酥酥，圆鼓鼓，俨然女人般的胸脯来。他走近一块石头，这石头他认为是最重的，若以麻木不仁，无动于衷论冠军者，也非它莫属。但见他把心一横，就抓住那石头的一端猛拉一下，这庞然大物便站得笔直直的。那家伙倒立起来后，看似是重了，影子也长了许多。接着，宛如父亲将示意亲昵的学步小孩抱起来般，男孩蹲下来把石头抱住。然后，他试着站起来。全体观众(我们本来是在里层的，却因为村民们几乎都跑了出来凑热闹，人数增加了好几倍，足足围了一个圈。)便都紧张起来，不作声，和他使出来的劲同呼吸。第一次试时，他平衡得不好，只好赶紧松手往后跳，以防把脚趾给压扁。第二次试时，他像摔跤似地将它紧紧抱在大腿上，使得它好象一条在他身体上找地方钻的大毛虫般，一点点往上蠕动着。终于，此庞然大物给他扛起来了。冠军的脸泛起了羞怯的笑容。他转身面向全场观众，然后将石头扔到地上，但没等它发出一声訇然巨响，却早已湮没于一片掌声之中。转眼间，他已没入荫蔽处，仿佛在谦虚地说：这非因自己的本领高，实在是鸿运当头使然；他不过是给人推出来出出风头罢了，就如生我育我的北美，街头上游手好闲之徒推举一人出来，接受费南度假设的火星来客质问那样。
酋长和两位牧师临场观看了表演，见我们看得开心，便找人拿来一支吹箭筒，还找来一位本领特厉害的村民。此人为一长者，罗圈腿，有几只门牙拔了图好看，两颊有几道呈V字形的伤痕。他要表演的是，将镶有羽毛的飞镖从吹箭筒中吹出，命中百步以外从空中飘落的小目标 (折起来的树叶和乒乓球之类)。那吹箭筒少说也有十英尺长。当时，一阵逼人的寒气袭向我们湿漉漉的身体，我们的影子当即长了许多；一个个鸡皮疙瘩*D*D都有着各自的小影子*D*D在康婕达的大腿上冒了出来；埃斯梅拉达的前臂，则竖起了一根根细小的汗毛，和热带地区珍禽身上的羽毛无异。尽管如此，他们请我们试吹的时候，我们都欣然应允。我们鼓起两腮使劲吹，却接二连三地落空，且和目标相去甚远，只逗乐了周围看热闹的人。
有一点不可不提，那就是此事的处理手法始终是那么到家和轻巧，并不常见诸于这种文化交流的场合。人群悄悄地迅速散去。空气中，散发着一股炊烟的味道，有甜，有苦。头顶上，半边明月挂于依旧湛蓝的天空上。我们朝住处走去，准备赴宴。
好一顿盛宴！主菜为虫末辣酱汁泡食蚁兽和南美浣熊肉，佐以洋蓟酱和煮熟的皮济果 ，摆在宴客室一张长木桌上。在不绝于耳的祝酒辞*D*D祝进步，祝和睦，祝打倒帝国主义中，我们稀里糊涂地吃了一顿。然后，我们将椅子搬到屋外，坐在月色中。眼前这广场的泥土坚硬平坦得如会客室的地板。一条没毛狗学几个没穿衣服的小孩子那样，悄悄地走来和我们凑热闹。土生土长的牧师伸手去在它脖子上摩挲起来。酋长早已不知所踪。飞机师们则和在河边邂逅眼睛长得如缟玛瑙般好看的女孩子们睡觉去了。在父母逃佛朗哥时尚在襁褓中的高个子牧师，向我们粗略地阐述了他的观点，并回答了我们的问题。断断续续的西班牙单词*D*D什么共同体，经济，和解，生产方式*D*D如苏打水般“扑通”“扑通”地在我耳边飞逝。迷人的月色底下，一个半空酒瓶的影子落在惨白的大地上。没毛狗将身体卷成一个球形，像犰狳般趴在富态牧师的脚下。他的鞋子刚擦过，鞋尖闪闪发光。另一个牧师的一双手是那样好看，那样洁白，动作是那样富于激情，仿佛数只蝙蝠在飞来飞去，落在一张底片里成为永恒。他不厌其烦地解释着，说话的声音却一味温柔，一味谨慎，一味枯燥。天空上，月亮经不起太阳的照射，竟像中了暑似的，将其周遭广阔的天际染上了一层淡淡的紫色，把天空上的星星尽数淹没其中。在远处，丛林的边缘恰如海平面般低矮。试想一下，此种谈话竟是方圆一千多平方英里以内绝无仅有的*D*D这是何等恬静，何等奢侈之人间天堂。“我们不要政府什么，”我们的主人扬言道，说话时声音似急促的旋律但仍不失温柔，“只要不管我们就行！”
两位善良的牧师去睡觉的时候，又来了一瓶酒。我们便打算出去走一走，但甫一出门，大家竟像刚步出校门的小孩子般拔腿就跑。原来，这条加长成飞机跑道的长街在月色底下会诱人加速：我们加快脚步疾跑；我们憋着笑，笑声便化作气喘吁吁的呼吸声，化作欣喜若狂的心跳声；我们奔走如飞。打头的是我们的语言专家皮普、奥尔特加和拉乌尔。康婕达和埃斯梅拉达手拉着手紧跟在后，步履出奇地轻盈，一面还格格地笑着。费南度和我还有我们的土地栽培专家萨尔瓦多，则缓缓殿后，步履艰难。
我们走到一处树木长得高大且茂密的地方便停了下来。却见那藤蔓交错的树顶低垂向我们，仿如一颗颗守候多时的、巨大的头颅。隔着这堵漆黑之墙，却有生命在啾唧鸣响；在左边，奔流不息的瀑布在远处低声咆哮。墙后的森林简直深无尽头，阴森如我们头顶上的夜幕。回头看去，却见那跑道竟如飞机师在飞机降落那一霎那所必定看到的那样，那锥形的安全照明装置竟仿如一团模糊不清的夺命之物。设计此理想村的本意是遗世独立。倘若离得不够远，政府的脏手就会伸过来，酋长也就不必费心去撇开他的脊椎按摩治疗师不干，而系起这条羽毛腰带了。
我们果然没睡好。那吊床恶心得很，人躺在上面动一下它就拼命摇，还不能翻过身来趴着睡。侵晨时分，就在月将落日将出那段迷人的黑色时间里，不知道什么东西或什么人在我们窗外不时窃窃地笑。结果，我们走得很匆忙，很狼狈。两位飞机师一脸的失落和焦虑，前者是交媾后所致，后者是因了念及还要飞越不知多少英里的绿色荒芜所面临的乏味。酋长再次出现在我们面前，身上已没穿那件灰背心，他之前穿着它显然是出于对我们的尊重，以为我们是举止端庄之人。康婕达得到了一条貘牙项链；埃斯梅拉达获准以优惠价购买一个长鼻浣熊雕像。我们道别后还不停地挥手，而两架飞机已经一齐向前倾斜，向后，横过焦烤的广场空地，跨过河流，远去。
数周后，我们在给政府准备报告时，校勘各自的日记，方才发现大家都为能离开理想村而额手称庆。人，何必到天堂去住。
译自《约翰·厄普代克短篇小说集》
1999年9月19日晚初稿
1999年10月3日第二稿
1999年10月8日第三稿
2000年1月19日订正
---------------
Meunique[ 回应主贴 ]
[ 返回论坛 ]
跟贴目录:
The Ideal Village
作者：Last Hermit - 2000/01/20 22:20:34
***
The Ideal Village
Our party had of course long known of the existence of the village; yet there was fear that our pilots, Fidel and Miguel, would be unable to locate its clearing in the vastness of the jungle. Not a month before, dusk had overtaken a supply plane aiming for the landing strip of some Lutheran missionaries still farther to the south, and the pilot had panicked and made a run for the lights of the coast. His fuel had carried him as far as the Montes de Ferro, where the scar of his crash was(we saw from the air) indistinguishable from a mining tip. And our second plane, piloted by Miguel, did drop from radio contact in the clouds--those strange clouds that in this part of the world form directly above the vaporous rivers, so that the sky seems to be full of enormous snakes--but it later developed that he had merely tuned in to the band of reggae music ceaselessly transmitted from the large rebel encampment in the Montes del Oro. (The encampment lies just over the border and seeks, of course, to overthrow not our exemplary and democratic government but that of the neighboring country, with its deplorable regime.) Fifteen minutes after we landed, Miguel's Cessna materialized in the sky as a speck no bigger than a buzzard, and as indolent in motion. We cheered. Even the chief cheered, though he had seen much pain in his years in the city as a chiropractor, and had always his dignity to think of.
He and the radical priests had come forward to greet us, but as it were reluctantly, long after our engines had been cut and the unpacking of our baggag--our backpacks and chinchorros and Styrofoam wine coolers--had already created small mountains on the packed earth in the shadows of our wings. The landing strip was also the main street of the village, and our backwash had stripped wands of grass from the conical roofs, and our engine noise had made short work of the afternoon siesta. Of the two priests, one was tall and pale and elegant, his accent the Spanish lisp, and the other shorter and darker, his mixed blood churning in him like a suppressed vivacity. The chief, of course, had pure Indian features, though sagged and soured by his years of metropolitan experience. In late middle age he had been rallied by the nobility of this experiment--communism and ethnicity seamlessly combined--to return to the village of his origins. He wore the tribal parrot-feather girdle, which did not quite cover his buttocks, and the armbands of monkey skin that blazoned his rank, and the vest of a gray three-piece suit. Miguel brought his little red-striped Cessna in on the money and trundled to a stop, trailing a crowd of children. Some of the children were naked, some wore blue jeans, but all appeared healthy, cheerful, and unalarmed, in contrast to the children of the unideal villages we had visited previously. There was no begging, and only on the part of the onyx-eyed infants was any tactile curiosity expressed in our apparatus or the sleek and shiny urban costume of the females in our party.
We were shown to our quarters, where some male villagers strung our chinchorros to the overhead beams, using the knots that only they knew, and so swiftly that even Ortega, the knot expert among us, could not follow the twists. Each tribe, in a culture based upon vines and fibers, and which thirty years ago astounded the pioneer anthropologists with the intricacies of its woven fishnets and suspension bridges, boasts a secret language of knots--a flurry of brown fingers and thumbs capped, as the knot is cinched, with a guffaw, half defiance and half celebration, out of mouths disfigured by the perpetual wad of green tobacco.
We were afforded time to freshen, and then given the expected tour of the artichoke fields, the acres of experimental cotton, the long hut where the women on looms powered by the village generator mass-produce the ancestral patterns, the small huts where the old men carve from kapok wood the same unvarying figures of coati, capybara, jaguar, and centipede, to be sold at airport souvenir shops a thousand miles away. Such an industry, the taller priest explained in his epicene Catalan, is of course less than ideal, since the zoömorphs thus manufactured are acknowledged by the hand that whittles them to have lost their sacred animistic purpose. We are in transition here. These old men--his gesture flicked across the bent, partly shaved heads--can create only these forms, which their fathers seriously confused with living creatures. The next generation he hoped, would be quite free of the old shadows and produce wood carvings expressive of both their own individual genius and the beauty of the common weal. Whether such figures would be popular in the airport shops remained to be seen. We advance here by trial and error, he said; we do not disdain half-measures. Only in our ultimate goals are we doctrinaire.
These goals, it did not need to be said, were liberty, equality, fraternity; worker control of the means of production; freedom from oppression, subtle or overt. A social contract, in short, that had no binding edges. The smaller priest laughed, with his half-breed exuberance out here in the artichoke fields, where the shadows were beginning to thicken, leaf upon leaf; his plump hands, slightly cupped, momentarily formed in front of his cassock a mystical shape, an intangible social form whose edges did not bind.
We swam in the river. There were no piranhas along this stretch, we were assured, and the alligators, were in their sazón de letargo--their season of torpor. Conchita and Esmeralda looked piquant in their bikinis, slender and sallow and nervous. The opaque beige water swallowed their flesh at the knees like some magically thin paint; yet we emerged the same color as before, and uneaten. The vegetation along the riverbanks was monotonous and tall. Many tropical species, our botanist, Fernando, explained, had been shaped by the nature to look almost exactly alike. An explorer from Mars, he went on to elaborate, even were he to land at our icebound poles would find microbes and lichen so abundant--so frantically, hysterically abundant—is life on this permissive planet.
As, wrapped in our towels, we crossed the wide plaza of earth at the center of the village, between the feasting hut and the hut of adolescent initiation, we were struck by the large smooth stones dotted about without apparent pattern, and casting long shadows as evening approached. Luis, our anthropologist, surmised that these were counters in some ritual or game. He was not far wrong; the melancholy chief merrily explained that the young men of the village tested their strengths by lifting these stones. Against our polite but unemphatic protests, the present champion was called forth: a rather fat boy in blue jeans and stencilled T-shirt (Bata Shoes, his shirt advertised, though he was barefoot) who had to be urged forward like a bashful girl by his companions. He removed his shirt, displaying a soft-looking, rounded, almost female chest. He approached a stone--presumably the heaviest, a champion in its own stolid and mindless way—and with sudden decisiveness tugged at one end so that the monolith stood upright. Upended, it looked heavier, its shadow having become so much longer. The boy squatted and embraced the stone as a father would embrace a toddling child who had just demonstrated a need for affection. Then he attempted to stand with his burden, and the entire crowd (for our inner arc of witness had been multiplied and made into a complete circle by the arrival of much of the village population) grew tensely silent in empathy with his effort. On first attempt, the stone outbalanced him and he had to release it abruptly, dancing back lest his bare toes be crushed. On second try, he wrestled it up onto his thighs and then higher, so that the stone, like some massive slithering parasite, seemed to be searching for an entry into his body; at last, his bashful smile awash with strain, the champion had the monster on his shoulders. He turned once to face the complete circle of his audience and then dumped the stone to the ground with a thud swallowed in the burst of applause. The speed with which the boy melted into the shadows seemed modestly to state that his gift was not his own, but a divine blessing that had happened to alight on him; he had been pushed forward just as a crowd of loiterers at a street corner in my native North America might offer up one of their own to be questioned by Fernando's hypothetical explorer from Mars.
The chief and the two priests had witnessed the demonstration and, observing our pleasure, arranged now for a blowpipe to be produced and for an especially proficient villager—a bow-legged elderly man with several front teeth ornamentally extracted and a chevron of welts on each cheek--to strike with its tufted darts small targets (a folded leaf, a Ping-Pong ball) dropped many paces away on the plaza. The blowpipe was at least ten feet long. Our shadows, too, had elongated remarkably, as an evening chill enwrapped our wet bodies; goosebumps, each with its own minute shadow, had appeared on Conchita's thighs, and the fine hairs stood up on Esmeralda's forearms like the feathery fringes of a tropical rara avis. Nevertheless, invited to try the blowpipe ourselves, we each obliged, amusing the crowd with our puffed cheeks and wide misses.
The whole thing, it should be stressed, was done with a tact, a fine lightness, not always present at such cultural intersections. Quickly, lightly, the crowd dispersed. Cooking smoke, both sweet and acrid, flavored the air. A translucent gibbous moon had appeared in the still-cerulean sky above us. We went to our quarters to prepare for the feast.
The feast! Anteater and coati meat swimming in a sauce peppered with bits of ground insect, plus side dishes of artichoke paste and boiled Pijiguao fruit, all served at the long plank table in the banquet hut, amid a plethora of toasts to progress, amity, and the overthrow of imperialism--the meal passed in a blur. Afterwards, we took chairs outdoors, into the moonlight; the earth of the plaza was as firm and level as the floor of a parlor. The native priest reached down and affectionately scratched the neck of a hairless dog that, like a few naked children, had come silently to join us. The chief had disappeared. Our pilots had retired with some onyx-eyed girls met by the river. The tall pale priest, a child in arms when his parents fled Franco, outlined his vision and responded to our questions. The rapid, segmented Spanish word--comunidad, economía, avenimiento, modos de producción--flowed like sparkling water across my ears. A wine bottle cast its half-empty shadow on the blanched earth, in the amazing moonlight. The dog curled himself into an intense ball, like an armadillo, beside the plump priest's shoes, whose polished tips gleamed. The hands of the other priest in their impassioned gestures appeared elegant and white, flitting like bats in a negative film, but his voice never rose above a gentle, cautious, explanatory monotone. The moon above, sunstruck, seemed to dye a great realm of the heavens around it a lavender that drowned the very stars. The fringe of jungle at a distance around us was low, and as total as the horizon of the ocean. To think that this was the only such conversation within a thousand or more square miles--the luxury of it, the calm human grandeur. "All we ask of the government," our host proclaimed, with his soft yet urgent melody, “is to be let alone!"
When the good priests took themselves off to bed, another bottle of wine materialized. Like children let out of school, we went for a walk that became a run. The moonlit stretch of village street that doubled as an airplane runway invited speed: our footsteps pattered; our suppressed laughter became the ecstasy of breathlessness; we flew. Pepé and Ortega and Raoul, our linguistics expert, led the way. Conchita and Esmeralda, surprisingly quick and lithe, followed hand in hand, giggling. Fernando and I and Salvador, our earthbound agronomist, ploddingly brought up the rear.
Then we stopped, at the place where the jungle trees, drawing close, grew tall. Their liana-interlaced crowns bent over us like solicitous giant heads. A clicking, whispering life could be heard behind their wall of darkness, and the soft tireless roar of the cataracts in the river far to our left. Beyond this wall the depth of forest loomed as practically infinite, like the depth of night sky above us. Looking backwards, we saw the runway as a pilot must see it in the instant before touchdown--as a cone of luminous safety framed by fatal vague shapes. Its isolation was an essential part of the plan of the ideal village. Any less far, the contaminating hand of government would reach, and the chief would not have bothered to abandon his chiropraxis and don his girdle of feathers.
Predictably, we slept badly in our chinchorros: each movement produced a sickening sway and there was no turning over onto one's stomach. Early in the morning, in the silky black hour between moonset and sunrise, something or someone outside our windows repeatedly tittered. Departure proved to be a hurried, graceless process. The pilots were visibly suffering from post-coital depression as well as anxiety concerning the miles and miles of green wilderness they must droningly traverse. The chief showed up without his gray vest, which apparently had been put on out of deference to our supposed sense of decency. Conchita was given a necklace of tapir teeth; Esmeralda was allowed to purchase a carved coati at discount. We said our farewells and kept waving as our two planes banked in unison back across the plaza of baked earth and over the river and away.
It was not until weeks afterwards, collating our diaries in the course of preparing our report to the government, that we discovered how happy each of us had been to leave. Man was not meant to abide in paradise.
---------------------------
Meunique
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
搀和一句
作者：TGLX - 2000/01/20 23:00:44
***
The whole thing, it should be stressed, was done with a tact, a fine lightness, not always present at such cultural intersections.
有一点不可不提，那就是此事的处理手法始终是那么到家和轻巧，并不常见诸于这种文化交流的场合。
值得一提的是，对这样一件牵扯到不同文化的事情，能整个处理得滴水不漏，面面俱到，的确是开了眼界。
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
不，不，不！请君别误会。
作者：Last Hermit - 2000/01/21 09:29:28
***
您跟我改的那段读起来非常地道，非常流畅，只是我还在揣摸原文，在思忖这样翻是否是作者原来那风格－－也就是古月君早前提到的“原汁原味”。
再者，野草君给我的答复，我也在找资料，也未回复。
您的还在琢磨，容后再答。
手忙脚乱，失敬之处，尚祈海涵！
---------------------------
Meunique
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
嘿嘿。有反馈才能引出更多话题。:-)并无其他意思。
作者：TGLX - 2000/01/21 22:50:58
***
这句话原文的结构非常清楚，不象某些法律文本那样磨牙。
阁下翻译的是一整篇文章，可以考虑谋篇，不能只用显微镜看句子，还要用望远镜从远处看，至少要看句子群。以适当的单位进行重新调整，否则译文会太拗口。
看这篇文章的原文，可以说还是明白的，看译文就要费些工夫了。从这个角度看，不算保留了“原汁原味”。
“原汁原味”不应仅限于文本成分的罗列次序，更不应只限于文本成分的简单对应。
胡侃
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
括号中的一句似乎理解有出入
作者：古月 - 2000/01/21 01:36:59
***
(营地就设在边界上，其目的当然不是要推翻我们这堪称表率的民主政府，而是要推翻邻国的堪称表率的民主政府，建立其可恶的政权。)
(The encampment lies just over the border and seeks, of course, to overthrow not our exemplary and democratic government but that of the neighboring country, with its deplorable regime.)
...企图推翻的不是我们这堪称表率的民主政府，而是邻国那可恶的政权...
上面的“that of the neighboring country”中的“that”指代“government”，并不包括“our exemplary and democratic”。“with its deplorable regime”用来补充说明“government”的性质。
古月
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
谢谢古月君，您终于出手了^_^
作者：Last Hermit - 2000/01/21 06:36:24
***
当时译的时候就觉得有点不对劲，葫芦过去了，后来再改的时候，也没认真地一句一句地想。疏忽如此，实不应该。
谢指正。以后日子长着呢，也望您多多关照！
---------------------------
Meunique
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
合着您是在等他呀，在您看来我们都是瞎搅和。怪不得我们跟帖子您理都不理。俺们也可以省心了。
作者：TGLX - 2000/01/21 07:32:55
***
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
把英文也搞上来看看。
作者：TGLX - 2000/01/20 22:23:24
***
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
隐士君，请恕我直言，您似乎有不求甚解的问题。例如：...
作者：大头 - 2000/01/21 10:47:57
***
例如原文为：“Anteater and coati meat swimming in a sauce peppered with bits of ground insect”，您的译文为：“主菜为虫末辣酱汁泡食蚁兽和南美浣熊肉”。在此pepper是动词，意思是象撒胡椒粉那样地撒上虫末，而非作为名词的辣椒或其他什么椒。不才冒昧建议阁下在译之前先将原文仔细揣摩透彻，有疑问处多查字典，应该是会有好处的。请恕在下得罪！
大头
---------------------------
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
您有话尽管直说，鄙人有则改之，无则加勉。
作者：Last Hermit - 2000/01/21 11:30:30
***
您提的建议很好－－我不是领导，这不是官腔－－不过，pepper这词作动词解是：To season or sprinkle with pepper.（The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, Third Edition），加上南美地方热，想必喜欢吃辣的吧？
一如您在文末见到的那样，我这篇文章是断断续续地译的，劳驾您帮忙再看看，有什么是错的，不好的，都给我指出来。
谢谢！
---------------------------
Meunique
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
不错，pepper单作动词用时确有撒胡椒的意思；但…
作者：大头 - 2000/01/21 11:52:40
***
但请阁下再读一下原文：“peppered WITH bits of ground insect”，显然这里撒的是虫末，说阁下不求甚解不冤枉吧？恕在下冒昧再多一句嘴，翻译要忠于原文，而不能凭想象，所谓南美天气热，所以要吃辣云云，实在不能作为翻译的依据，不知阁下意下如何？
大头谨上
---------------------------
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
大头说得对！
作者：野草 - 2000/01/21 12:30:01
***
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
谢野草老师！
作者：Last Hermit - 2000/01/22 02:43:35
***
顺带一提，您对主语补足语的解释，学生尚在找那本书，也许还有不懂之处，希望老师多多提点！
---------------------------
Meunique
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
你当我是个俗人，读书少，水平低，我认！说我不求甚解，万万不能！
作者：Last Hermit - 2000/01/22 02:39:39
***
首先，我承认对pepper在这里的含义在理解上有偏差，但因此，而给我戴“不求甚解”的帽子，未免有点冤枉！
先来学究一番，不求甚解的释义为：原指读书要领会精神实质，不必咬文嚼字。现多指只求懂得个大概，不求深刻了解。（《现代汉语词典》）。显然，阁下指的是后者，即我只求懂得个大概，随随便便，敷衍了事。
现在，咱们来看看《汉英论坛》是什么地方？它不是名山大川，不是奔驰宝马，不是美酒佳肴，山珍百味－－让“学者”、“专家”们去开“神仙会”，会上随便敷衍两句交差的地方。而是，各方高低手云集，共同探讨问题的地方。这里，老少咸集，文人骚客，贩夫酒卒济济一堂，畅所欲言，共商译事。没有绝对的权威，也没有绝对的卑微。大家有长计长，有短计短。
这也正是鄙人常来这里的原因。正因如此，我才把拙译呈上来，向各方家叨教，希望各位提出批评并斧正其中纰谬之处。
事实上，要是我真的是不求甚解，早就拿出版社发表去了。只是，不瞒您说，我对该文的理解不踏实，尤其是作者的语言风格，似乎难以揣摸。所以，我在发此贴时已说明“请各方家不吝赐教！”，岂料，此肺腑之言，竟被您误以为是那些互相吹捧的掮客文人！
悲夫！假、大、空、诳话大行其道的今天，愿意聆听《皇帝的新衣》里小孩子那率直的大白话者何其少也！
---------------------------
Meunique
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
隐士先生，抱歉！
作者：hz - 2000/01/22 04:01:04
***
白天学法花了点功夫；另外手边没有打印机，不方便将您的翻译汉英对照地看，所以也一下插不上话
。还望您谅解并宽限几时！
顺便提一句，您跟大头君说了“无则加勉”人家这不才“谨上”(这字样我们可是从无荣幸听过哎)，
您怎么就高呼起“悲夫”来了？:-) “不求甚解”的帽子是太大了，可既是大头君帽厂的产品，岂不
也很自然？:-) 您这一篇抗辩够文采的，别委屈了，周末愉快！:-)
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
妹妹学法？什么大法？您不是已经海阔天空任飞翔了吗？什么时候借几条羽毛给我，让我也飞往西方，看看大千世界？太羡慕你们了！
作者：Last Hermit - 2000/01/22 05:25:54
***
是的，我喜欢吃辣，大头偏不给，我便来了一点气－－其实，说真的，我是想学一下王朔那“痞”气，可惜学艺不精，画虎不成反类犬。还请大头君多多包涵！此外，还请大头君以后直言无妨！
谢谢妹妹关心！
周末愉快，笑口常开^_^
---------------------------
Meunique
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
妙语！您真是好样儿的。hz学的是欠债还钱大法:-) 网上都没了国界，地上也快了！:-)
作者：hz - 2000/01/22 07:23:29
***
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
请恕在下不恭之罪！在下的“谨上”，一般…
作者：大头 - 2000/01/22 09:35:56
***
一般只在指责别人时才用，意图缓解一些气氛，但似乎并不管用。
您上回推荐的ＣＤ，在下非常喜欢，前一段时间于工作时一直在听，近来却不知去向，思之可能是朋友来时不小心带走了，到让本人心疼。再次感谢您的指点。
大头谨上
---------------------------
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
大头君多虑了，hz实无报怨之意。仍然多谢！
作者：hz - 2000/01/22 23:25:32
***
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
多谢阁下的指教，在下国学根底极浅，现眼在所难免。至于…
作者：大头 - 2000/01/22 09:26:04
***
至于在下给阁下扣的“帽子”，阁下既然不愿戴，还请原物送还，在下自己戴好了——在下于“不求甚解”的意思显然是没有认真领会。在下无心伤及阁下自尊，尚乞原宥。阁下言道：“假、大、空、诳话大行其道的今天，愿意聆听《皇帝的新衣》里小孩子那率直的大白话者何其少也！”，在下深有同感！
大头谨上
---------------------------
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
不敢指教！尚望以后多多提点。咳！也许老了，动了一点气。尚望海涵！
作者：Last Hermit - 2000/01/22 10:15:08
***
---------------------------
Meunique
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
吃辣椒的地方一般是因为潮湿。比如南京人吃辣椒就比苏州厉害。
作者：呵呵 - 2000/01/22 03:28:36
***
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
哈哈！我这南方人，偏喜欢吃辣的，便擅自加了一点儿。各位幸勿见怪！不过，南方的天气其实更潮！
作者：Last Hermit - 2000/01/22 05:11:51
***
---------------------------
Meunique
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
几点建议
作者：渔夫 - 2000/01/21 21:35:13
***
1。Lutheran通常译为路德会。
2。Ferro,Oro有铁，山的含义，是否要译出来？
3。buzzard似乎译为蜜蜂，飞虫为好。
4。chiropractor通常称为正骨师。
5。styrofoam是一种发泡塑料，有保温作用。
6。mouths disfigured by the perpetual wad of green tobacco
这里的烟是嚼烟，嘴巴里塞满了嚼烟，鼓鼓囊囊。
---------------------------
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
谢老师提点。
作者：Last Hermit - 2000/01/22 02:46:09
***
---------------------------
Meunique
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
吹毛求疵
作者：laoliu - 2000/01/22 05:44:23
***
对原文的理解和对中文的运用自如,真是一流的。但是你说可以吹的,所以:
1. 毛虫不是parasite，蛔虫如何？
2. between moonset and sunrise：月将(“已”？）落日将出
3. Pepéand Ortega and Raoul, our linguistics expert, led the way. 打头的是我们的语言专家皮普、奥尔特加和拉乌尔。Only Raoul was the expert.
4. our two planes banked in unison back across the plaza of baked earth and over the river and away：而两架飞机已经一齐向前倾斜，向后，横过焦烤的广场空地，跨过河流，远去。bank：to tilt (an aircraft) laterally and inwardly in flight。飞机bank是为了转弯：起飞后又转过来飞越广场上空。
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
古人说的好：一鼓作气，再而衰，三而竭！
作者：Last Hermit - 2000/01/22 10:05:23
***
您开头那句话“对原文的理解和对中文的运用自如,真是一流的”，夸大其词了吧？最起码“对原文的理解”就不是一流的。楼上各位不是指出了不少错处了么？再加上兄台所指出的谬误，岂能一流？
至于，中文的运用，我觉得最难掌握的是作者的风格。而您说运用自如，起码有些地方读起来不流畅，乃至有佶屈聱牙之嫌。当然，由于我对这篇小说的语言风格没太大的把握，有些地方不知如何处理好。正如TGLX说的“看这篇文章的原文，可以说还是明白的，看译文就要费些工夫了”，便说明了一些问题，即中文功夫尚浅。此外，他说“不能只用显微镜看句子，还要用望远镜从远处看”，这句话说的很有道理，译的时候确实有这种感觉。此外，还断断续续地译，说白了，就是有点浮躁了，所以才出了些不应该出的错。
看来，翻译也应该像打仗那样，一鼓作气才行了。
谢谢您跟我指出的这些错误。
---------------------------
Meunique
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
良药苦口
作者：正 - 2000/01/22 15:14:40
***
和叟道别却跑这儿来了，不像话。可临走之前，看了以上各帖，
文采袭人，含意又深，不忍轻离，凑两句。
和hz同感，“您这一篇抗辩够文采的”。和TGLX也同感，阁下的译文
却有点“拗口”。结论是您得整个重写，用您自己的话重写。
您的译文用的有点像写学术语言，不像文学作品。有点路子问题。
也许句子要短点。用词口语话。句法中国化。咱也是胡侃。
如第一句话，您的是：
“我们一行人确实老早就听过有这么一条村子，
但眼前这丛林一望无际的，们都怕飞机师费德尔
和米格尔找不到林间空地降落。”
Our party had of course long known of the existence of the village;
yet there was fear that our pilots, Fidel and Miguel,
would be unable to locate its clearing in the vastness of the jungle.
试着把句子改短了点：
不错，这个村子，我们(一行)早就知道。
可是，望着眼下大片的丛林，漫无边际，
真有点担心驾驶飞机的费德尔和米格尔两个，
能不能找到(那，一)块(可以)降落的(空阔的)地方。
胡改。不是良药，算个土方。参考。
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
would be unable to locate，也许用能不能“认出”好点。
作者：正 - 2000/01/22 15:27:43
***
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
Credit is due!
作者：laoliu - 2000/01/22 20:30:19
***
我对翻译的认识，还在“信”的水平，对于中文表达的“雅”和“达”，确实很少去想。
您在这篇文章理解上有几个小小失误，是大家--在您的邀请下--“用显微镜找出来的”。在任何除了纯学术讨论以外的场合下，这篇译作--至少在“信”的方面--可以认为是无毛病可挑的。
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
谢谢！补了咱的遗漏！
作者：正 - 2000/01/22 23:29:51
***
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
附和
作者：hz - 2000/01/24 01:01:37
***
抱歉，隐士先生，还没能读完。读了的部分开始自以为发现了几个小错，再思之下发现是自己错了，
受益，多谢！
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
妹妹多虑！拙译纰谬必多，您可在各方面给点意见？
作者：Last Hermit - 2000/01/24 04:17:40
***
---------------------------
Meunique
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
继续吹毛求疵
作者：渔夫 - 2000/01/22 21:20:28
***
1。piranhas是南美洲的一种小鱼，但牙齿锋利无比，数百条一起下口，
很快可以吃掉一只动物。不如译为食人鱼。
2。adolescent initiation是成人仪式，各个种族不同，标志一个少年
进入成人的行列。
3。He approached a stone--presumably the heaviest, a champion in its own stolid and mindless way
这句中的presumably the heaviest修饰stone,但是a champion in its own stolid and mindless way修饰approach.
4。artichoke paste中的paste译为泥较好，蒜泥，枣泥。
---------------------------
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
老师，用名词“champion”修饰动词“approache”似乎不法可依呀？
作者：Last Hermit - 2000/01/23 06:37:45
***
学生以为，应该还是修饰stone,才对呀。
---------------------------
Meunique
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
You are right, my mistake. Thanks.
作者：渔夫 - 2000/01/24 21:32:05
***
---------------------------
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
"a champion..." is in apposition with "a stone"and,.
作者：Grammarian - 2000/01/24 14:45:51
***
arguably, so is "the heaviest". Consider the following sentence:
His health, never robust, grew worse.
The words between commas are said to be appositional.
- The New Lexicon Webster's Dictionary of the English Language, 1989
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
这里可能有毛病
作者：a fei - 2000/01/23 07:59:04
***
Even the chief cheered, though he had seen much pain in his years in the city as a chiropractor, and had always his dignity to think of.
酋长也欢呼起来，尽管他在城里做过多年脊椎按摩治疗师，阅尽人间苦楚，而且每每要顾及自己的身份。
前文是另一个飞机终于出现，我们欢呼。这里可能是：连酋长也忘记了dignity，跟着嚷嚷。
这个“阅尽人间苦楚”和“每每要顾及自己的身份”是不是应该有关联？否则放在那里有些怪异。
这个意思应该是，酋长是个见过世面的人，过往的职业素养把酋长造就成了一个惯于且善于控制自己情绪的人，但是见到飞机出现，却也禁不住要跟着我们嚷嚷。这样讲可能更合理一些。
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
也许这样稍清楚一点？
作者：hz - 2000/01/24 00:47:08
***
连酋长都欢呼起来，尽管城里多年正骨师的生涯已使他饱见苦痛，(不易动情)，而且他又是一向留意自己的身份举止的。
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
我总在“信”与“达”之上间走钢丝绳……
作者：Last Hermit - 2000/01/24 07:54:21
***
从楼上诸位的意见看来，拙译流于生硬，甚或晦涩，读起来不似行云流水，反似水泉冷涩。然而，读这些所谓“后现代”的作品却常常是一下天，一下地的，稍不留神，它又会带你到了别处。品之，时而茂林修竹，时而荒野漠漠；忽而甘如饴，忽而苦如艾。翻译起来尤伤脑筋。我常常就有这种感觉，仿佛自己在“信”与“达”－－“雅”就更加顾不上了－－之间走钢丝绳，总是提心吊胆，生怕顺得哥情失嫂意。或许，用这首唐诗来形容，也是贴切的：“洞房昨夜停红烛，待晓堂前拜舅姑。妆罢低声问夫婿，画眉深浅入时无”。
事实上，《约翰·厄普代克短篇小说集》（中国对外翻译出版公司）的注释者碧桃，在其《注释者的话》中就说：“娴于文字语言是厄氏小说的一大特色，或誉为‘文学之宫殿’。他善以简洁明快而又葆其含蓄的手法表现丰富又局促的社会内容：重现生活细节如在眼前，曲道人际短长点到即止；描写心理活动若及已身。行文似流水而时闻溅泼，用心重刻深但不废幽默；既引人入胜，也启人深思。但新派作品的文字芜杂、繁琐、晦涩、俚俗、反传统及于语法句法，一若不为此不足以张一代之风貌……”有鉴于此，不佞在处理本文时，在遣词上就饱受其苦。因为作者很多时候，不是用浓墨重彩，而是轻轻一笔，其意却蕴含不露，使你下笔时觉得基本功炼得不够火候，要么一剑下去，将其捅死，要么就自己招架不住，伤痕累累－－反正，一言以蔽之，无法做到“点到即止”。因此，我唯有舍“达”保“信”，徒叹奈何。
吁噫0戏，危乎高哉！*-事之难难于上青天！
谢楼上诸位讨论。并请继续提意见。
---------------------------
Meunique
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
青天已离您已不远：-）
作者：px - 2000/01/24 08:48:20
***
钢丝也罢，伤痕也罢，对“隐迷”一展技艺，向知音倾诉苦衷，一吐为快，岂不乐乎？！！人间之事，福于先苦后甜！比照您光顾论坛的频率及诚恳程度，青天已离您不远：-）
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
哈哈！在人间已似癫，何苦要上青天，不如温柔同眠……
作者：Last Hermit - 2000/01/24 22:10:12
***
---------------------------
Meunique
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
天堂不是给“人”住的。
作者：渔夫 - 2000/01/24 22:32:38
***
---------------------------
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
各位，按100分制评分吧。如果不及格，我会重译！
作者：Last Hermit - 2000/01/25 06:38:27
***
诚邀各位按100分制评分。如果不及格，我重译全文。
Sorry for the trouble caused!
---------------------------
Meunique
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
信：95分。“人话化”程度：90分。敢斗精神：100分。总平均：95分。
作者：呵呵 - 2000/01/25 07:03:24
***
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
同意“呵呵”的评议，建议作为汉英论坛给隐君的评分吧:-)
作者：古月 - 2000/01/25 21:02:29
***
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
The threshold of judge qualification is higher than what I can reach! So... :-)
作者：hz - 2000/01/25 09:39:50
***
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
一点说明：译作精彩，只觉得比隐士先生自己的“写作”稍逊。
作者：正 - 2000/01/26 01:53:11
***
一点说明：译作精彩，只觉得比隐士先生自己的“写作”稍逊。
我曾建议“重写”，并非“重译”。是由于感到拿隐士先生自己的帖子，
和隐士先生自己的译文相比，前者要精彩不少。这只是以隐士先生
自己的“所写”与“所译”相比，感觉所译似大有可以轻松提高的余地。
看来我言不达意，愿意声明收回前帖，并向隐士先生深至歉意！
此外，我在帖中并随意改写，尤为失敬失态。隐士先生豁达真诚而幽默，
未必以此怪我。至于打分，我亦无资格，恕不敢。但愿意声明，隐士先生
的译文和我所读到的任何出版的译著比，绝无逊色。我原帖本非议论译事。
待我假期之后暇时，若隐士先生也有空暇，愿相机向请教，共同探讨，交换
意见。不过，我只是一个粗疏的读者学生而已，恐言无足观取。
无以补过，谨拱手拜年！
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
席典而卧，抵书而眠。滋味可好：-）
作者：px - 2000/01/25 07:58:54
***
[ 回应此贴 |
查看原贴 ]
[ 跟贴目录 ] [ 返回论坛 ]