北美 于 2000/02/22 18:20:54 发表在 汉英
Ezra Pound (1885-1972)
The River Merchant's Wife: A Letter
While my hair was still cut straight across my forehead
I played about the front gate, pulling flowers.
You came by on bamboo stilts, playing horse,
You walked about my seat, playing with blue plum.
And we went on living in the village of Chokan:
Two small people, without dislike or suspicion.
At fourteen I married My Lord you.
I never laughted, being bashful.
Lowering my head, I looked at the wall.
Called to, a thousand times, I never looked back.
At fifteen I stopped scowling, I desired my dust to be mingled with yours
Forever and forever and forever.
Why should I climb the look out?
At sixteen you departed.
You went into far Ku-to-ye, by the river of swirling eddies,
and you have been gone five months.
The monkeys make sorrowful noise overhead.
You dragged your feet when you went out.
By the gate now, the moss is grown, the different mosses,
Too deepp to clear them away!
The leaves fall early this autumn, in wind.
The paired butterflies are already yellow with August
Over the grass in the West garden;
They hurt me. I grow older.
If you coming down through the narrows of the river Kiang,
Please let me know beforehand,
and I will come out to meet you
as far as Cho-fu-Sa.
by Rihaku
The selection from "Personae" by Ezra Pund. Copyright 1926 by Ezra Pound. Translated from the Chiense Rihaku by Ezra Pound.
很惭愧我不记得原诗，只能猜出其中有“郎骑竹马来”等句子。
Pond作为现代派新诗人，却译出这样质朴的诗，是否以表义为重？诸位以为如何？
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找到原诗，是李白的五言乐府《长干行》
作者：BM - 2000/02/22 19:51:15
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《长干行》
作者：李白
妾发初覆额，折花门前剧。
郎骑竹马来，绕床弄青梅。
同居长干里，两小无嫌猜。
十四为君妇，羞颜未尝开。
低头向暗壁，千唤不一回。
十五始展眉，愿同尘与灰。
常存抱柱信，岂上望夫台。
十六君远行，瞿塘滟预堆。
五月不可触，猿声天上哀。
门前迟行迹，一一生绿苔。
苔深不能扫，落叶秋风早。
八月蝴蝶黄，双飞西园草。
感此伤妾心，坐愁红颜老。
早晚下三巴，预将书报家。
相迎不道远，直至长风沙。
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This might help...
作者：hz - 2000/02/22 19:56:20
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长干行二首(其一)
作者：李白
妾发初覆额。
折花门前剧。
郎骑竹马来。
绕床弄青梅。
同居长干里。
两小无嫌猜。
十四为君妇。
羞颜未尝开。 ( 未尝一作尚不 )
低头向暗壁。
千唤不一回。
十五始展眉。
愿同尘与灰。
常存抱柱信。
岂上望夫台。 ( 岂一作耻 )
十六君远行。
瞿塘滟预堆。 【预加水旁】
五月不可触。
猿声天上哀。 ( 声一作鸣 )
门前迟行迹。 ( 迟一作旧 )
一一生绿苔。 ( 绿一作苍 )
苔深不能扫。
落叶秋风早。
八月胡蝶来。 ( 来一作黄 )
双飞西园草。
感此伤妾心。
坐愁红颜老。
早晚下三巴。
预将书报家。
相迎不道远。
直至长风沙。
(这件网上善业好象是“新语丝”的功劳。)
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Another version from Witter Bynner's The Jade Mountain
作者：比较 - 2000/02/22 20:32:48
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Folk-song-styled-verse
Li Bai
A SONG OF CHANGGAN
My hair had hardly covered my forehead.
I was picking flowers, paying by my door,
When you, my lover, on a bamboo horse,
Came trotting in circles and throwing green plums.
We lived near together on a lane in Ch'ang-kan,
Both of us young and happy-hearted.
...At fourteen I became your wife,
So bashful that I dared not smile,
And I lowered my head toward a dark corner
And would not turn to your thousand calls;
But at fifteen I straightened my brows and laughed,
Learning that no dust could ever seal our love,
That even unto death I would await you by my post
And would never lose heart in the tower of silent watching.
...Then when I was sixteen, you left on a long journey
Through the Gorges of Ch'u-t'ang, of rock and whirling water.
And then came the Fifth-month, more than I could bear,
And I tried to hear the monkeys in your lofty far-off sky.
Your footprints by our door, where I had watched you go,
Were hidden, every one of them, under green moss,
Hidden under moss too deep to sweep away.
And the first autumn wind added fallen leaves.
And now, in the Eighth-month, yellowing butterflies
Hover, two by two, in our west-garden grasses
And, because of all this, my heart is breaking
And I fear for my bright cheeks, lest they fade.
...Oh, at last, when you return through the three Pa districts,
Send me a message home ahead!
And I will come and meet you and will never mind the distance,
All the way to Chang-feng Sha.
From Witter Bynner's The Jade Mountain
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从未译过古诗,“拆二建一”，先凑几句。
作者：px - 2000/02/23 05:37:18
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At that time when the hair reached my forehead,
Pulling flowers by my gate was often seen.
And you played with a bamboo stick for a horse,
Threw green plums at me with seek-and-hide.
Living in the same village of Changgan,
Equally happy, we were innocent playmates.
At fourteen, I became your woman,
So bashful that I dared not raise my head.
Lowering my head toward a quiet corner,
Rarely gave answers to your many calls.
When I was fifteen, light-hearted was I,
wishing to be together with you, life and death.
...
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感谢北美鼓励！索性献丑献到底，凑完全诗，就教于各位网友、方家！
作者：px - 2000/02/25 08:00:08
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好多意思还未搞清楚，连凑带猜，以求富“脑袋”:-)
输完再一看，不象译诗倒象是解释，瞎解释:-<
Swearing inwardly that no matter what happens, I won't leave you ,
Never thought of climbing a hill, hoping to find you coming home.
A year later, you went out on a long journey,
Through the Gorge of Ch'utang, the dangerous waterway.
I had no ways to contact you up to May,
Only heard monkeys' sad noises faraway.
The footprints made when you left me that day,
Had been filled with moss already,
And too deep to sweep it away.
The leaves falling with Autumn wind, appeared too early,
Yellowing butterflies hovered two by two in August,
over the grasses in the west garden.
My heart was broken at all these,
Young and pretty might not belong to me.
So when you plan to return through the three Ba districts,
Please send me a message in advance.
I'll come all the way to meet you,
As far as Changfengsha, the distant city.
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三军读罢尽开颜
作者：北美 - 2000/02/25 12:19:13
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初读译文，被里面的字句感动。来自古代的伤感而且又换成了另一种语言，也能让现代人进入到秋风吹不尽般的情绪之中。能达到这个程度也就是XY所说的神似了吧。
又看几遍原文，才清醒地看到李白用了一系列自然词汇来写伤感的情绪：猿声，绿苔，落叶秋风，蝴蝶，双飞，落脚处在无奈的等待时、“坐愁红颜老”上。又想，“相迎不道远，直至长风沙。”做为古代的女子，这是很大的决心吧。没有自行车，不能开车，只有乘着慢悠悠的牛车，天哪，什么时候才摇晃得到长风沙呢？
本来是想谈译文的，不想借机说了上面那么多。
译文在意思上一气哈成，自成一体，毫无束缚，在本坛就能读到这样水平的译文，又一次觉得这里是人材济济，是个好地方。
十六君远行...乐府中说十四如何，十五如何，十六如何，读着汉语很自如，几个年龄过去一直都是译At fourteen, at fifteen, at sixteen, 在英语里的确有重复之嫌，两个at之后换一个方法，译为 a year later 读起来更好。
I had no ways to contact you up to May,
Only heard monkeys' sad noises faraway.
“五月不可触，猿声天上哀”两句联在一起译构思很巧。(我自己译不出来却在这里大谈译文，惭愧！)
The footprints made when you left me that day,
Had been filled with moss already,
And too deep to sweep it away.
“门前迟行迹。 一一生绿苔。 苔深不能扫。落叶秋风早。”最喜欢这句的翻译。为什么？可能是意思上的层层递进产生了美感吧。
Yellowing butterflies hovered two by two in August,
over the grasses in the west garden.
My heart was broken at all these,
Young and pretty might not belong to me.
“八月胡蝶来。 双飞西园草。感此伤妾心。坐愁红颜老。”读完这句，惆怅的感觉又有加深。
"might" 用得好。女子的心思往往如此，一方面承认事实，同时又想得到反证。“八月蝴蝶来，双飞西园草”，中英文都是生动如画。
在这里谢过px。Good job. 我很受启发和鼓励。
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几种译诗前四句的比较：一点浅见
作者：bm - 2000/02/23 07:37:39
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(本周休息。早晨起来就看我的新“报纸”：汉英论坛)
妾发初覆额。折花门前剧。郎骑竹马来。绕床弄青梅。
一：这二十个字将两小无猜的情态道尽，让人除了感叹还是感叹！
二：妾发初覆额：只有PX 译出了“初”的意思。
三：对“郎”的理解，以上译文分别是“my lord", "you", and "my lover". 按现代人双方平等的思想，“郎”既是“你”。在古代社会大概还是尊称。不知是否有规范的译法。依此推论，“妾”想必是谦称。女子生在以前一般比较倒霉。但译起来也还是“我”，可见译文再细致也细不过原文。
四：“郎骑竹马来”，“骑”字传神，译文是 "on a bamboo stilts",“on a bamboo horse". PX 君的译文顺畅，到底是懂得两种文字(尤其是深奥的汉语)有优势，但若读一遍过去不仔细想，“骑”的意思不明显。(I hope no offense.)
五：“绕床弄青梅”：Witter Binner 译文没有充分表现出“玩”的气氛。
这样挑剔了一会儿，自觉得略有所得。先写到这。谢诸位提供注释、对比并翻译。
(hz: 我从网上“黄金书屋”找到《唐诗三百首》，如果没有找到，说不定已经求你了！Pond 的译诗出自Norton 版 World Masterpieces)
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“妾”似可用“Me”代替“I”。
作者：古月 - 2000/02/23 22:39:57
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“I”是主格，英文里头比较assertive。“Me”是宾格，英诗里似可用来表达谦卑的语气。仅供参考。
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有道理。谢谢。
作者：北美 - 2000/02/24 06:16:55
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P.S. 真会动脑筋。Nice to have the moon in this forum.
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谢谢！力不从心，
作者：px - 2000/02/24 09:59:18
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不敢再把余下部分搬到坛上。单是“尾生抱柱”就够我思考的啦:-)至于“骑”字如何认识及理解，我会认真参照您的意见。反应不够快，请您多原谅，只好慢慢来了。谢谢！
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译得很好。PX 切莫太谦虚。In fact,
作者：北美 - 2000/02/24 12:17:16
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《长干行》不好译，您已经做得很好了。很感谢。
再说，这两天您译的诗我追着看还有点赶不上呢！
在翻译上我需要的是daring. 所以请PX 君与诸位继续一往无前，我看着前边的人才好继续鼓劲。
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